Brit Bobby broad busts balls by taking 848 sick days.

the sun- A WOMAN cop who took 848 days off sick with stress and depression has resigned.
Hina Parekh, 43, averaged only five shifts a month on the beat and since 2006 worked 327 days out of a potential total of 1,175.
The Asian WPC claimed racist colleagues were making her unwell - but did not bother taking her case to an employment tribunal.
Senior officers finally hauled her in over her "unsatisfactory" attendance after an audit showed she averaged almost 170 sickies a year. But she resigned before she could be sacked.
A police insider said Parekh got away with her appalling record for years because bosses feared entangling the Met in another racism row.
The source said: "Hina should have been dealt with a long time ago but the force was nervous.

"Everyone had to work harder on her relief because she wasn't there and taxpayers were left picking up her wages.
"She'd go off sick, return to work and then go absent again."

848 sick days? Wow. Do you think she would come up with a different excuse every time she called in sick? After a while it would really be hard to make something up. "Sorry boss, can't make it in today. I've got a nasty case of the bubonic plague. Yeah, that's right, black death. I've got egg sized tumors all over my groin and armpits, and I can't stop vomiting blood. Should be feeling better in a few days, though. talk to you later." It would be cool if they kept stats of her excuses every time she called in? "So it says here that you've been out of work 376 times with a bad cold, 264 times with the shits, you had a dentist's appointment 207 times, and there was that one time last November when you said you couldn't come to work because you had the rockin' pneumonia and the boggie woogie flu."

p.s. I love this guy whining about how he had to work harder because she didn't show up for work. What a fucking joke. English cops are like glorified crossing guards. They have to wear those stupid hats. And I don't even think they carry guns. Give me a break, buddy.

Academics claim calling animals "pets" is insulting. Wait, to who?

(Do these wild animals look uncivilized to you?)

telegraph- Domestic dogs, cats, hamsters or budgerigars should be rebranded as “companion animals” while owners should be known as “human carers”, they insist.

Even terms such as wildlife are dismissed as insulting to the animals concerned – who should instead be known as “free-living”, the academics including an Oxford professor suggest.

The call comes from the editors of then Journal of Animal Ethics, a new academic publication devoted to the issue.

It is edited by the Revd Professor Andrew Linzey, a theologian and director of the Oxford Centre for Animal Ethics, who once received an honorary degree from the Archbishop of Canterbury for his work promoting the rights of “God’s sentient creatures”.

In its first editorial, the journal – jointly published by Prof Linzey’s centre and the University of Illinois in the US – condemns the use of terms such as ”critters” and “beasts”.

It argues that “derogatory” language about animals can affect the way that they are treated.
“Despite its prevalence, ‘pets’ is surely a derogatory term both of the animals concerned and their human carers,” the editorial claims.
“Again the word ‘owners’, whilst technically correct in law, harks back to a previous age when animals were regarded as just that: property, machines or things to use without moral constraint.”
It goes on: “We invite authors to use the words ‘free-living’, ‘free-ranging’ or ‘free-roaming’ rather than ‘wild animals’
“For most, ‘wildness’ is synonymous with uncivilised, unrestrained, barbarous existence.
“There is an obvious prejudgment here that should be avoided.”
Prof Linzey and his co-editor Professor Priscilla Cohn, of Penn State University in the US, also hope to see some of the more colourful terms in the English language stamped out.
Phrases such as “sly as a fox, “eat like a pig” or “drunk as a skunk” are all unfair to animals, they claim.
“We shall not be able to think clearly unless we discipline ourselves to use less than partial adjectives in our exploration of animals and our moral relations with them," they say.

I write a lot on this blog about how I hate dogs and cats and all that. But, that's not completely true. I actually don't really hate them, what I really hate is the people that own them. Some cat isn't rubbing it's tail on me because it's a prick, or some dog isn't jumping on me because he's a fucking asshole, that's just what they do. No, the owner of that cat or that dog is the asshole because they are allowing that stuff to happen to me, even though I'm clearly not into it. I don't want to pet your stupid dog, get it the fuck away from me. And look, your cat is rubbing piss on my legs. "No, it's just their scent" they always say. Yeah, but how do you think that scent gets on the tail? It's piss.

When you think about what a pet actually is, it's really kind of strange. A pet is a living thing that is basically a slave for humans. Sure they are treated great in most cases, but they have no free will. Pets are usually either kept inside, or chained outside, so it can't go where it wants to go. They have to eat only what is served to it. It has to shit where people want it to shit. And it's not allowed to fuck who it wants to fuck. And if it tries to bang something, it gets it's balls cut off without consent. The whole idea of owning a pet is really messed up. And don't even get me started on making pets wear sweaters and shit like that.

So I can kind of see where these eggheads are coming from with their whole thing about changing the way that animals are treated and all that. But they are going about it completely ass-backwards. As far as I know, animals don't understand language. Sure you can teach them commands, but it has nothing to do with word meaning. I could easily teach a dog to sit when I say "stand " if I trained it that way. They don't give a fuck what you call it. I think a dog would much rather keep his balls and be called a "pet", than be called a "companion animal" and get neutered. but who really knows for sure? They can't talk. It would be kind of funny to hear some twit refer to their cat or dog in that way, though. Companion animal makes it sound like it's your girlfriend or something. It's like "wait a second man, did you just say your companion animal? Dude, are you fucking your dog?" And how about how these guys want to stop saying wild animals, because "wilderness is synonymous with uncivilized, unrestrained, barbarous existence." Most "free-living" animals live in like holes in the ground, and fucking caves and shit. I'd say that's pretty damn uncivilized if you ask me.

One more thing, if you stamped out all animal related phrases, how would you describe that night when you got drunk as a skunk to the point that you were sick as a dog, then you went outside because you had to piss like a racehorse, and you ran into that pig that went home with you where you fucked like rabbits because you were as horny as a 3-peckered billy goat?

p.s. What the fuck is a budgerigar?

Girl gets KO'd by merry go round.

He said watch out. This reminds of this one time when I was a kid and I was up to bat in a pick-up baseball game. This dumbass kid was on deck, and he was standing about two feet behind me. I told him to back up because I was a big swinger. And this kid looks at me like I'm and idiot and says, "I've played baseball before. I know what I'm doing." So I said fine, and sure enough, first swing I catch him right in the chest with my followthrough. The kid didn't say a thing, he just made this weird wheezing sound, and he collapsed to the ground. He may have known baseball, but he didn't know the big boy brand of baseball that I was playing. And he got it a hell of a lot worse than this girl did.

Game Time!

The draft is 20 minutes away. The picture above is what I'm looking at in front of me. I went and bought a shitload of wings from Buff's Pub in Newton and I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't touch one wing until I got a pick correct. It looks like Newton might go one overall (huge mistake) so I might be fucked. I'm starving. All I've had is a protein shake and some saltein crackers to eat all day. I don't know why I do this to myself but it seemed fitting. God they smell good. Without further ado the remaining picks:

29. Chicago Bears - Danny Watkins - Easy pick really. The Bears led the league in sacks allowed this past year. They NEED a solid offensive line with Mike Martz sending everyone including half the offensive line out into pass patterns on every play. Watkins is 27 years old and far away the offensive lineman who can step in and start right away. The Bears aren't getting any younger with their defensive core. They have a 3-4 year window. Watkins is the pick.

30. New York Jets - Corey Liguet - The Jets need to replace Kris Jenkins, who blew out his knee for the 47th time this past season. This Illinois product is a beast of a defensive tackle and it would pain me for the Jets to end up with him, though I'd have visions of Vernon Gholston dancing in my head.

31. Pittsburgh Steelers - Akeem Ayers - Steelers love this kind of rush linebacker who can also drop into coverage. They would literally draft them on every pick of they could. They addressed their O line last year with the great Pouncey pick so they continue their run of rush linebackers here.

32. Green Bay Packers - Mark Ingram - Quick, who was the Packers running back this season? Took me a minute too. Imagine if the Packers actually had a legit, blue chip running back prospect to put in the backfield behind Aaron Rodgers. Scary thought. And with Ingram sitting right there for them, and not many holes to fill, why the hell not?

Entire Mock Draft

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Chargers - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor
22. Indianaolis Colts - Nate Solder
23. Philadelphia Eagles - Gabe Carimi
24. New Orleans Saints - Adrian Clayborn
25. Seattle Seahawks - Christian Ponder
26. Baltimore Ravens - Jimmy Smith
27. Atlanta Falcons - Jabaal Sheard
28. New England Patriots - Brooks Reed
29. Chicago Bears - Danny Watkins
30. New York Jets - Corey Liguet
31. Pittsburgh Steelers - Akeem Ayers
32. Green Bay Packers - Mark Ingram
    

Speeder makes a fake 911 call to get out of a ticket.

nbcmiami- Florida motorists can get quite creative when trying to get out of a speeding ticket, but Jonathan Paul Rorech may have taken the cake.

The Naples man had what he thought was a fool-proof plan to get out of a ticket - make a prank 911 call.

After being pulled over by a Sheriff's deputy Tuesday, Rorech placed the emergency 911 from his cell phone and reported there was a shooting in the area and a victim was on the ground, the Naples News reported.

The call was dispatched to the deputy, who dropped what he was doing to attend to the alleged more serious matter, the police report stated.

Rorech, who was driving under a suspended license and had been going 45 mph in a 30 mph zone, drove away thinking he had pulled a fast one on the law.

Unfortunately for Rorech, the police have heard of caller ID.

When the deputy arrived at the address given for the fake shooting, the scene was empty and no one had heard any gunshots.

He realized that something was wrong. The deputy quickly retraced the call and got Rorech's voicemail.

Now instead of just a traffic ticket, Rorech was arrested for making a false 911 call.

Is making a false 911 call a worse crime than speeding with a suspended liscence? Not really sure, but it can't be that much worse, can it? I think this was a brilliant move by this guy. Sure he got caught in the end, but for a short period of time, he got away with it. Perhaps it was enough time do deliver the two suitcases full of blow that he had stashed in the back seat. Or maybe dispose of the dead whore he had hidden in the trunk. We'll never know for sure. The police thought they were dealing with some moron, and they were so cool because they used caller ID to track him down. But maybe he pulled a fast one on the cops, and got away with a crime much larger than making a false 911 call. For all we know, JP Rorech could be the greatest criminal mastermind since Lucky Luciano.

Picks 26-28

OK so time has a way of slipping away when you’re helping your friend write a blog and it’s your 57th priority every day, and that’s exactly what happened here. I apologize for my loyal readers (sorry Jesse) for not being more regular with my posts, so here is a condensed version of some of the remaining picks. I can't believe it's finally draft night. I've honestly been looking forward to this night for two years when I heard about the Richard Seymour trade. Here's how I see the bottom half unfolding:

26.) Baltimore Ravens - Jimmy Smith - Troubled character guy with huge red flags but one of the best pure cover corners in the draft, and the Ravens need help in their secondary. They had a ferocious defense but their cornerbacks were abysmal and it cost them in the playoffs, when Ben Roethlisber exposed their fatal flaw. I see the Ravens addressing the cornerback position for sure in this draft and Smith is the best available. Also, Ozzie Newson, the Ravens GM, doesn’t worry so much about drafting high character guys because of the presence of leaders like Ray Lewis and Ed Reed in his locker room.

27.) Atlanta Falcons - Jabaal Sheard - The second straight highly talented but red flag guy in the board, but the Falcons are all about drafting the best player available, and John Abraham (their best defensive lineman) is aging fast and needs to be replaced. Jabaal Sheard is exceedingly talented but he beat the shit out of a bunch of people in a brawl and was suspended for a few games this past season. I think the Falcons snatch him up here anyway.

28.) New England Patriots - Brooks Reed - The Patriots are probably going to trade this pick for a 2012 #1. I mean that’s what I want to happen. Here’s the deal. The Patriots can select a virtually identical player at pick #33 as they can at pick #28. The difference is that they pay first round money to 28 and second round money to 33, a huge difference. Next year rookies will be making a fraction of what they are making this year. They will trade 28 to the Vikings or the Jaguars (teams that need a QB and are locked in on one of the two still remaining with first round grades, either Ryan Mallett or Andy Dalton). So I think they end up with Brooks Reed, one of the best under the radar outside backers in this draft, it just depends on whether they pick him up here or at 33. If they make the right trade into the first round of 2012 they could end up with a top 10 pick.

That’s it for now. Look for the final 4 picks tonight around 7:00 PM before the draft. Then go get yourself some wings a few beers and let the wheeling and dealing unfold in the most exciting night of non-football football. I will be comparing my mock to Kiper, McShay and all the other experts in subsequent blogs next week.

Entire Mock Draft

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Chargers - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor
22. Indianaolis Colts - Nate Solder
23. Philadelphia Eagles - Gabe Carimi
24. New Orleans Saints - Adrian Clayborn
25. Seattle Seahawks - Christian Ponder
26. Baltimore Ravens - Jimmy Smith
27. Atlanta Falcons - Jabaal Sheard
28. New England Patriots - Brooks Reed
    

Festival spectators ask for a refund after human cannonball's death.

dailymail- Spectators who witnessed the human cannonball tragedy that left a young man dead asked for their money back after the rest of the show was cancelled, it has emerged.
Matt Cranch, 24, who had been a stuntman for only a week, hit the ground head first as the net meant to break his fall collapsed.
As friends paid tribute to the young stuntman, some of those who watched the tragedy unfold told of their disgust at the behaviour of others in the audience.
They revealed that some demanded a refund of their £12 admission fee when the rest of the show at the Kent County showground, near Maidstone, was cancelled.
'What a disgustingly shameful selection of people we have in Kent. How dare they demand a refund when someone has lost their life?' the Mirror reported one man, Harry, telling his local newspaper.
'I am ashamed to be a Kentish lad, born and bred, if people and their animalistic attitude towards money and getting a refund overrules the fact that something had gone terribly wrong.'
Peter Tupper, 35, from Maidstone, told the Daily Star: 'You heard people whingeing. Within five minutes of the accident they started walking out, saying they wanted their money back.'
Yesterday friends said Mr Cranch was a ‘thrill-seeker’ who opted out of his promising academic career and his conventional middle-class upbringing.

These people that asked for their money back are absolutely despicable. I mean, just total dirt bags. Real human scum. Witnessing the human cannonball plummet to his death has got to be the most incredible thing that is ever going to happen at an event like this, so I think they more than got their money's worth. So the show ended early, big fucking deal. What did they miss at the end, a stupid elephant standing on two legs? A bunch of lame clowns stuffed in a little car? A bunch of fruits on a trapeze? Who gives a shit? I guarantee nothing would've been crazier than the tragic death of a daredevil. These people should forget about their refunds and realize that they are going to have a fantastic story to tell for the rest of their lives. And you can't put a price tag on that.

p.s. The story says that the dude was only a stuntman for a week. Does that mean that he'd only been shot out of a cannon for a week, or does it mean that he'd only been doing stunts of any kind for a week? It seems to me like you would want to work your way up to being the human cannonball. Like maybe he should've done a couple of pratfalls, or jumped out of a 2nd floor window or something. You know, build up to the cannon.

Playground injury week continues.

Jesus. How the hell did this kid rotate so much in an 8 foot fall? It's like his melon was so heavy that it was bound to be the first part of him to hit the ground. Kind of like the head of a throwing axe. This kid's dome actually disproves Galileo's theory that objects of different masses will fall at the exact same finite speed. Sir Isaac Newton must be spinning in his grave.

BREAKING NEWS: Obama releases his birth certificate.

(Read it and weep, bitches.)

foxnews- The White House has released President Obama's long-form birth certificate, saying the document is "proof positive" the president was born in Hawaii. 

The release marked an unexpected turn in the long-simmering, though widely discredited, controversy over Obama's origin. Obama's advisers have for the better part of three years dismissed questions about the president's birth, directing skeptics to the short-term document released during the 2008 campaign. But as the issue gained more attention at the state level and particularly in the 2012 presidential race, Obama said Wednesday that it was starting to distract attention from pressing challenges like the budget. 

The president, who discussed the release at the White House without taking questions, said he had been "puzzled" by the enduring shelf life of the issue and acknowledged the announcement may not put the so-called birther controversy to rest. But he told the public and the media that it's time to "get serious." 

"We do not have time for this kind of silliness," Obama said. "We've got better stuff to do. I've got better stuff to do. We've got big problems to solve." 

So the certificate was released today. Here is the 1st page, and here is the 2nd page. So now the birthers have gotten exactly what they have been crowing about and asking for all this time. Once and for all the debate is settled, Obama was born in Hawaii, everyone can now go on with their lives, and the birthers can suck a big fat cock.......Wait a second. Obama's mother was named Stanley? His mother was really a man? It all makes sense now why he didn't want this released. Stop the presses! It's a new controversy! Barack's parents were gay! Holy shit!

Pub singer arrested for singing "Kung Fu Fighting"

dailymail- A pub singer has been arrested on suspicion of racism for singing the classic chart hit Kung Fu Fighting. The song, performed by Simon Ledger, 34, is said to have offended two Chinese people as they walked past the bar where he was singing.
The entertainer regularly performs the 1974 number one hit, originally by disco star Carl Douglas, at the Driftwood Beach Bar in Sandown, on the Isle of Wight.
But after one of the passers-by reported his routine on Sunday afternoon, Mr Ledger was arrested on suspicion of racially aggravated harassment.
‘We were performing Kung Fu Fighting, as we do during all our sets,’ he said.
‘People of all races were loving it.  Chinese people have never been offended by it before.
‘But this lad walking past with his mum started swearing at us and making obscene hand gestures before taking a picture on his mobile phone.
'We hadn’t even seen them when we started the song. He must have phoned the police.’
Officers later called Mr Ledger while he was eating in a Chinese restaurant to arrange a meeting.
The singer assumed it was a prank – but he was later arrested and is still under investigation.
‘They seemed pretty amazed but said the law is the law and it was their duty,’ he is reported to have said.

I love how this guy was eating at a Chinese restaurant when he was called by the police. He must have been like, "I don't have a problem with Chinese people, I'm eating a fucking egg roll right now!" And what is this Chinese guy's problem? He's walking down the street and he hears a song about kung fu fighting, and he starts swearing and making obscene gestures? He's the one that should be locked up. Sounds like a fucking psycho. I totally support Simon here. In no way was he doing anything remotely racist. And let's say for a second he really was being a racist on stage. He still shouldn't be arrested for it. Give the guy a break, he's playing "Kung Fu Fighting" on a fucking keytar in some shitty little pub. That's punishment enough.

I love these guys.

Now that's how you celebrate. Fuck cheering, its all about dancing, acrobatic couch moves, synchonized running in place, and kicking eachother in the ass. My favorite move is the when the kid knocks a pen behind the couch with a header. These guys look like me and Pierre le Chat watching Patriots games.

Arnold Schwarzenegger set to star in a new Terminator.

(Arnold seems different somehow, but I can't put my finger on it.)

cinema blend- The years as California Governor may have moved Arnold Schwarzenegger closer to the middle, but thankfully, they have not squashed his will to destroy all in his path, especially now that Skynet is active. The action star will return to ruin lives as his most beloved character, The Terminator, in at least one but likely two films in the near future.
The move comes almost a year after Pacificor purchased the rights to the franchise for what seemed like an astounding figure of nearly thirty million. With Arnold back in play, that gamble no longer seems like such a foolhardy investment, and the company will make its pitch to Lionsgate, Universal and Sony later this afternoon. Deadline is speculating the Terminator package will sell for upwards of twenty-five to thirty million at minimum, but the ultimate price tag shouldn’t really affect the finished product. Anyone willing to shell out that kind of money will follow it up with at minimum a hundred and fifty million dollar investment to do this thing right. You don’t coax Arnold Schwarzenegger back into the game and then pinch pennies and go cheap. People will expect Terminator 5: He’s Back or whatever the hell it’s going to be called to be a balls to the wall orgasm of death, explosions and eye mutilation.

I'm not really sure how I feel about another Terminator starring Arnold. It will probably be pretty cool, but I'm starting to have a problem with Arnold as the Terminator. He's supposed to be a cyborg, right? And he was manufactured in a factory, right? So tell me this, why is it that he looks drastically different from movie to movie? It's like the guys in the future who make the Terminator are constantly changing and streamlining the body, but they are obsessed with always using the same face on that particular model. And for some reason they keep programing him to speak with an Austrian accent. It's like some kind of inside joke at the Terminator factory. And even though they have newer versions of Terminators like the T-1000 and the T-X, they keep using the T-800 (Arnold's version.) It's really getting bizarre. Maybe for this installment of the movie, they should say that Arnold is a T-800G series. A Terminator made to look like a T-800's grandfather.

Worst. Backflip. Ever.

I just decided that this week is playground injury week. Here's the latest entry. I'm hoping for a compound fracture by Friday.

Pick # 25: Seattle Seahawks

Alright Big E definitely pulled out all the stops and I didn’t think he was going to go there. I sent him that picture in confidence 5 years ago and I guess he’s been waiting for the day to use it against me. Well I guess that day finally arrived. You know the old saying that you don’t really know a guy until his back is against the wall and he posts a naked picture of you covering yourself with a cat on his blog that 10 people read? I finally feel like I can use that saying in context. The truth about that picture though is that my brother went through this weird/creepy phase of trying to take naked pictures of me when I got out of the shower and stuff for like a whole year, and he popped up paparazzi style that day and I had to grab something to cover up and the kitty was the only thing within arm’s length. I’ll tell you what, the cat could have tried a lot harder to get away though. It really didn’t put up much of a fight at all. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh right, the Seahawks.

The Seahawks made a random run to the playoffs in the God awful NFC west last year and shocked the Saints in the first round. That game will forever be remembered for Marshawn Lynch breaking 18 tackles in his fourth quarter touchdown run and Pete Carrol basically having 6 heart aches from being so goddamn pumped up and energetic all the time. That guy’s positive energy makes me want to vomit half the time. I didn’t think it would fly in the NFL (because it didn’t the first time) but the guy did one thing well last year, he had a hell of a draft. The Seahawks picked up the best offensive lineman in the draft with the #6 picks in Russel Okung (who the Redskins foolishly passed on for Trent Williams) and then snatched up Texas Safety Earl Thomas with the #14 overall pick. Both players had instant impact as rookies and with the right development could be stars in the making. This year, I think Pete Carrol makes the move the franchise QB that the team needs with Charlie Whitehurst pencilled in as a career backup and Matt Hassleback aging fast.

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #25 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:
CHRISTIAN PONDER - QB, FSU

There will be some clamoring for the Hawks’ to take that redhead ginger weirdo Andy Dalton from TCU but I think Ponder has more upside as a pro. He is mobile, has a strong arm, and made a huge leap from his junior to senior seasons at Florida State. He was the first FSU QB since 1999 to beat both in-state rivals, Miami and Florida, in the same season and turned serious heads at the senior bowl, winning the MVP and leading his south squad to a victory over the heavily favored north squad. I honestly think he’s the fourth QB taken after Newton, Gabbert, and Locker and will be the final QB taken in the first round.

Entire Mock Draft

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Chargers - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor
22. Indianaolis Colts - Nate Solder
23. Philadelphia Eagles - Gabe Carimi
24. New Orleans Saints - Adrian Clayborn
25. Seattle Seahawks - Christian Ponder

Sword fight breaks out at a Sikh temple in Queens.

nydailynews - Seven people were arraigned on riot and assault charges Monday for their roles in a vicious turf battle at a Sikh temple in Queens.
Assailants wielding cricket bats and small swords disrupted prayer services Sunday morning at the Baba Makhan Shah Lubana Sikh Center in Richmond Hill, police and witnesses said.
"I'm going to kill you," defendant Harinder Singh, 47, screamed before punching Joginder Singh in the face, says a criminal complaint filed in Queens Supreme Court.
Gurnam Singh, 47, rushed into the temple swinging a stick and lunging at others while religious ceremonies were underway, the complaint says.
A cop managed to wrest away the stick before the suspect flailed his arms wildly to prevent being handcuffed, police say. At least one cop was injured.
Several of the defendants were charged with disrupting a religious service.
Temple President Jarnail Singh said the melee was caused by a dissident group of followers who don't want to see membership rolls opened at the 101st Ave. temple.
"We tried to open membership, and a group didn't want it," he said yesterday. "They want to fight it."
The dispute is at the center of a pending lawsuit in Queens Supreme Court. The temple president said he hopes the warring factions will let a judge mete out justice instead of resorting to violence.
"What the court decides I will believe," he said. "It's his decision."

What the hell? These guys do not fuck around. The problem with church is that it's so boring, but if sword fights and riots were breaking out, I'd be there every Sunday. I guess the temple knew something like this was going to happen because as soon as the mob walked in, some dude starts pulling out swords from all over the place and throwing them on the floor. It's funny that these guys came barging into the middle of the service, ready for a sword fight, yet they took the time to take their shoes off before entering the room. It's like they have no problem rioting in the temple, but they don't want to disrespect god by wearing shoes inside it. That wouldn't be cool.

71 year old man arrested for exposing himself in a cemetary.

WILMINGTON, Del. (CBS)- Police in Delaware arrested a man after they say he exposed himself inside a cemetery.
Robert K. Matlosz, 71, is facing several charges for his alleged role in the incident that occurred Saturday morning at the All Saints Cemetery in Wilmington.
According to investigators, police received a call about a suspicious vehicle that was parked in the cemetery in the area of the St. Marks High School track where the girls track team was practicing.
As Delaware State Troopers approached the vehicle, they say they observed that a male, later identified as Matlosz, had his pants down around his ankles and was masturbating.
Police say Matlosz noticed the trooper and tried to flee in his car. After a short chase, Matlosz’s vehicle was stopped and he was taken into custody.
Matlosz is facing charges of Indecent Exposure, Reckless Driving and Resisting Arrest. He was released after posting $600 unsecured bail.
Police said there is no indication at this point that any members of the St. Marks High School girls track team observed Matlosz in the cemetery.

I wonder if he pulled up his pants before he tried to flee the scene. Maybe that's why it was such a short chase. I had no idea that 71 year old guys still felt the need to beat off. Age is just a number to this guy. He's still running around acting like a perv half his age. If I'm still jacking it in cemetarys when I'm in my 70's, I'll be a happy man. I guess you're only as old as you feel.

p.s. Would exposing yourself to dead people in a cemetary be considered a type of mopery?

Hardcore Parkour Nutshot

Now that's hardcore.

Pick # 24: New Orleans Saints

Typical Pierre le Chat bullshit. He talks a big game and acts all hard, but he's really a pussy. And everybody knows it, including Pierre. That's why he waited until he knew I was working to make his last pick, and run his mouth about me. Sure he tries to be all cool in his posts, but in reality, he's a cat lover. And I don't mean that he likes cats, I mean he LOVES cats. More on that later. First let me get to the Saints pick.

Last season, it was no surprise that the Saints were unable to match the 13-0 start and playoff success that followed in 2009. There was bound to be a Superbowl hangover for the Saints, who had basically been a joke of a franchise for the previous 42 seasons. The celebrations that followed the championship were well deserved for the team, as well as the fans. Despite all the off-season partying, the Saints still managed to finish the season 11-5, setting up a wild card match up with the lowly 7-9 Seattle Seahawks. What should've been an easy victory turned into a shootout for the defending champs, which they ultimately lost. The loss to the Seahawks exposed a severe lack of toughness and physicality in the Saints defense, highlighted by Marshawn Lynch's "Beast Mode" run. The Saints really need to toughen up on the defensive line, and that's why they will take:

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #24 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:

ADRIAN CLAYBORN - DE, IOWA

Adrian Clayborn is a high energy, no-nonsense end who is very stout against the run. Not your typical rush end, Clayborn relies on his strength and relentlessness to get after the quarterback. He doesn't really have any weaknesses in his game, but at the same time, he doesn't have any single attribute that jumps out at you. Clayborn had an amazing Junior season in which he had 11.5 sacks, 20 tackles for loss, and was named the MVP of the Orange Bowl. His numbers for his Senior season were not as impressive as the previous year, but still very solid. This drop in production will cause Clayborn to slip into the later part of the first round, but if he is able to regain his Junior year form, he could be a real solid addition to the Saints.

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Chargers - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor
22. Indianaolis Colts - Nate Solder
23. Philadelphia Eagles - Gabe Carimi
24. New Orleans Saints - Adrian Clayborn

So back to Pierre. I didn't want to have to go here, but he left me no choice. Like I said, he really loves cats. And here's the proof.

Pick #23: Philadelphia Eagles

So this blog marks the return of Pierre le Chat. Big E was getting pretty big for his britches in Pierre’s absence and showed his true colors by going into a deep funk as soon as I got a little busy and asked him to cover a blog for a day. Jesus Christ. I’ve never heard such whining and seen such bitchy text messages in my life. It’s honestly like I’m dating a clingy girlfriend who wants to know what I’m doing and thinking 24 hours a day. Why am I busy? I’m just busy! Fuck off! Oh and you want me to only take 10 minutes to write a blog? Is that really what you want? I guess so, because judging by the quality of Big E’s draft posts I sure that you really only did take 10 minutes. Look, here’s a tip. If you want to get a readership, and sustain a readership, put a little time in. Be a little professional. It won’t kill you. Really, it won’t. But hey, if those really only took you 10 minutes than from here on one out mine are only going to be 10 minutes. I’m literally setting the timer right now and when 10 minutes is up I’m posting this motherfucker.

Now, back to the Eagles. Around this time last year the football world was divided on the Donovan McNabb trade. What a difference a year makes. The trade is now known to be a coup for the Eagles who selected safety Nate Allen with the number 34 pick to replace the departed Brian Dawkins and stumbled into a vintage Mike Vick season after Kevin Kolb went down with a concussion. Vick seemed to shake off the cobwebs from his time in federal pound me in the ass prison and had arguably his best season ever. The only problem is he took a ton of hits because of his crazy running style. Now the Eagles are faced with the dilemma - do they give up Kolb once a CBA is reached for possibly a first round draft pick in 2012 or do they hold onto him for insurance when some linebacker goes all Mo Lewis on Vick on the sideline in week 5? It will be interesting to see how Reid plays it. Maybe he can trade Kolb to the Redskins for 3 first round picks and then trade one of those picks back to the Redskins for Kolb. It actually wouldn’t be so different from the trade they made with the Skins last year.

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #23 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:

GABE CARIMI - OG, WISCONSIN

This guy’s nickname at Wisconsin is “The Jewish Hammer” that’s really all you have to know. I fell in love with him as soon as I heard this and kind of hope the Patriots reach for him at 17 just because I want to root for the Jewish Hammer. A lot of people are mocking secondary help to the Eagles and it’s certainly an area of need but last year’s draft was so defensive focused I think the Eagles look to upgrade that offensive line. Carimi won the Outland Trophy as the nation’s top interior lineman and should start from Day 1 in the NFL. He’d be a great addition to the Eagles offensive line, something that has been a problem area for them in recent years. The other reason this is a good fit is because the Eagles, just like the Cowboys, love massive offensive lineman and Carimi is a monster - he is 6’7’’ and has 35 inch arms, that’s incredible, but really the most amazing thing about him....oh my 10 minute timer went off, can’t finish this, sorry but gotta keep up the Insert Offensive Name standards...

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Chargers - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor
22. Indianaolis Colts - Nate Solder
23. Philadelphia Eagles - Gabe Carimi

Indiana man arrested for huffing paint. For the 48th time.

The smoking gun- Meet Kelly Gibson. For the 48th time since 1992, the Indiana man has been arrested for inhaling paint fumes. Gibson’s latest huffing collar came when his wife summoned cops to the couple’s Fort Wayne home shortly after midnight on April 14.

As seen in the above mug shot, officers found an impaired Gibson covered in silver paint. He was booked into the Allen County jail for allegedly inhaling toxic vapors.

The image of Gibson will likely draw comparisons to the classic booking photo of Patrick “Goldface” Tribett, an Ohio man who has earned online infamy for his series of paint-dappled mug shots.



Arrested for inhaling toxic vapors? What the fuck is that? If that's a crime, every painter in the country should be behind bars. It's an occupational hazard. What is the world coming too when you can be arrested in your own house for sniffing a little paint? It's not like Kelly was one of those guys you see on "Cops" who broke into a hardware store, and get caught hiding under a table with a pile of empty spray paint cans. This dude probably legally bought the paint with his own hard earned money, brought it back to the house, dimmed the lights and put on a little smoothe jazz, then started huffing. Then the cops showed up and killed his buzz. Land of the free my ass.

And what is his wife's problem? This guy has been arrested 48 times for paint huffing, dating back to 1992. I'm pretty sure she knew what she was getting into when she married him.

Walk it off, kid.

This little guy just crushed his face. You wouldn't know it by his reaction, though. You never want to be seen as a pussy around older kids. He just got picked up, put on his bike, and then he slowly rode away. He probably passed out from the pain as soon as he got out of sight.

Pick # 22: Indianapolis Colts

The Colts finished 2010 with a 10-6 record and the # 3 seed in the AFC for the playoffs. Believe it or not, it was seen as an off-year in Indy. Entering the 2010 season, the Colts had reeled off seven straight seasons with at least 12 wins. Injuries were blamed for the below average finish, but injuries were not the only problem with the 2010 Colts. The team has relied too much on Peyton Manning for the last few seasons. Basically ever since Edgerrin James left in 2005, and LT Tarik Glenn left the following year, the Colts have been one dimensional on offense. This was apparent in 2010, when the Colts were ranked #1 in passing, and #29 in rushing in the NFL. Even with this unbalanced attack on offense, they have had a tremendous amount of success in the regular season, but once the playoffs come around, they usually underachieve. You have to be able to run the ball when it counts in the playoffs. And the Colts can't.

The Colts definitely have the talent at running back to balance out the offense. Both Joseph Addai and Donald Brown are guys that can get it done if given the opportunity. What the Colts need is some new blood on the offensive line that can allow the unit to change its identity from a primarily pass blocking group, into a more balanced squad. And the Colts will address this need early, drafting:

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #22 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:
NATE SOLDER - OT, COLORADO

Nate Solder could end up being one of the steals of this years draft, because he is rated this high and is still learning the position. Arriving at Colorado as a 235 pound tight end, the 6-8 Solder made the transition to left tackle, and packed on the pounds. Currently he tips the scales at a trim 319 pounds. With his massive frame, Solder could and should easily put on another 20 pounds in the pros. With his height and the wicked wingspan that comes along with it, it is virtually impossible for pass rushers to loop around Solder. So his pass blocking skills are more than sufficient which is key, because let's face it, as long as Manning is calling the plays for the Colts, the lineman are going to have to do a lot of pass blocking. But Solder is also a devastating run blocker. His past life as a tight end has left Solder with exceptional mobility and athleticism for the position. His mobility along with his solid upper body strength, allows Solder to latch on to defenders and take them out of the play. He also seals off the edge very well, and has the athletic ability to get out in front on screen plays. Basically the only knock against the guy is that he has trouble with shorter, quicker defenders because of his height. Practicing against Dwight Freeny and Robert Mathis every day should give Solder plenty of opportunity to improve this, though.

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Chargers - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor
22. Indianaolis Colts - Nate Solder

Pick # 21: Kansas City Chiefs

The Chiefs saw a big turnaround in 2010, finishing 10-6, making the playoffs, and winning the AFC West for the first time since 2003. The rebuilding that began with the hiring of Head Coach Todd Haley and General Manager Scott Pioli is starting to show solid results. Pioli was considered one of the best talent evaluators when he was with the Patriots. And he was highly regarded for his ability to build a cohesive team through the draft and free agency, not just collect individual talent like most of the clowns in the NFL (Dan Snyder, I'm looking at you). There was even some talk around New England that Pioli was the true genius in Foxborough, and the Pats would suffer in the draft after he left. Those claims are laughable at this point, with the Patriots coming off one of their best drafts ever, and poised to have another great drat this year.

Not to be outdone, however, Pioli has, himself, built a solid team in Kansas City. A team that closely resembles the Patriots championship teams of the early 2000's. The Chiefs are a ball control offense, leading the league in rushing in 2010. They do have some aerial firepower as well with Matt Cassell and Dwayne Bowe, but the focus of the team is on running the football, playing solid defense, and capitalizing on turnovers. A page right out of the Belichick handbook (maybe Belichick should take another look at that page). The Chiefs have taken defensive players in the 1st rounds of the last two drafts. Tyson Jackson has yet to live up to the potential that saw him selected # 3 overall in 2009. But last years 1st rounder Eric Berry more than exceeded expectations. Berry led the team in interceptions, and was second on the team in tackles. His performance played a huge part in the Chiefs defense improving from 29th in the league in 2009, to 11th overall last season. Berry was also the first Chiefs rookie to reach the pro bowl since Kansas City legend Derrick Thomas was selected following the 1989 season.

This year, Pioli and the Chiefs will stay on the defensive side of the ball, and select:

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #21 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:
PHIL TAYLOR - DT, BAYLOR

No, not Phil Taylor the legendary 15-time World Champion darts player. Phil Taylor the monster nose tackle from  Baylor. That Phil Taylor. A solid nose tackle is imperative for a 3-4 defense, which the Chiefs switched to two years ago, and Taylor is the perfect fit. He is the top prospect at the position in the draft, and he would give Pioli and Defensive Coordinator Romeo Crennel a Vince Wilfork type player to anchor the defensive line. At 338 pounds, Taylor is solid enough to stop the run, yet quick enough to make plays in the backfield and outside the hash marks, just like Big Vince. Much like Da'Quan Bowers however, Taylor could slip in this draft due to injury. Taylor has a condition that causes the bones to grow together in his feet, causing a great deal of pain. There is no surgery that can repair this, so it up to Taylor's ability to handle the pain that will determine how much of a force he can become in the NFL. If he's anywhere as tough as Phil Taylor the darts player, though, he should be just fine.

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Charger - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor

Pick # 20: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

There was a time when the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were among the most feared defenses in the NFL. Year after year, defensive studs like Derrick Brooks, Warren Sapp, John Lynch, and Simeon Rice dominated opposing offenses, and were the backbone of the team. But as these stars either left or got older, they weren't replaced properly. This caused the once mighty defense to begin to slip. By 2009, it was time for a change. John Gruden was fired as head coach, and replaced by Raheem Morris. The architect of the Bucs defense, Monte Kiffin, also left to work on his son's staff at The University of Tennessee. And finally, Derrick Brooks was released. An 11-time pro bowler, Brooks was the last remaining link to the great Tampa defenses of the past. The Bucs were officially rebuilding.

After a tough 3-13 first season under Morris, 2010 saw the Bucs produce the greatest single-season turnaround in franchise history, going 10-6. No longer a defensive juggernaut, the 2010 Bucs relied on a very young and talented offense. Second-year quarterback Josh Freeman had a breakout season, throwing for 3,451 yards and 25 TD's. The 25 TD's, along with only 6 interceptions, gave Freeman the ninth best TD/INT ratio in NFL history. Rookie receiver Mike Williams set a franchise record with 11 TD's. And rookie RB LeGarrette Blount rushed for over 1,000 yards, becoming only the 2nd undrafted rookie in NFL history to do so. A feat he accomplished despite not seeing significant playing time until Week 7. Blount also brought a toughness that the Bucs running game was severely lacking.

So with the Tampa Bay offense flying high, it's time for the Bucs to start rebuilding the defense. Last year they selected DT Gerald McCoy with the 3rd overall pick, and this year they will stay on the defensive line and take:

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #20 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:
DA'QUAN BOWERS - DE, CLEMSON

Not that long ago, Bowers was seen as a possible #1 overall pick. He was the top recruit in the nation coming out of high school, and was named the 2010 Defensive Player of the Year in the ACC, after leading the nation with 15.5 sacks. A red flag has been raised, however, due to his knee. Bowers missed 2 games in 2009 due to a knee injury. And then following the 2010 season he underwent arthroscopic surgery on the same knee. The surgery held Bowers out of the combine, and during his April 1 workout for NFL scouts, he still seemed to really be favoring the knee, and his performance was abysmal. There is some talk that Bowers may eventually require microfracture surgery, which would not be easy to come back from, just ask Greg Oden. The agent for Bowers is denying that microfracture surgery is needed, so we will just have to wait and see. If his knee heals and he gets back to 100%, Bowers could be an absolute steal for the Bucs at #20. At 6-4, 280, Bowers has great size and is the perfect combination of athleticism, speed and strength. But if his knee doesn't heal properly, and his explosiveness never comes back, he will have trouble succeeding as a professional.

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Charger - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers

Pick # 19: New York Giants

It seems like these days people tend to forget that there are two NFL teams playing in New York. Ever since the Rex Ryan era began in '09, the Jets have been getting most of the headlines and hype in the Big Apple. And who could blame them? The Jets are the sexier team. The Giants don't exactly match up with them favorably when it comes to excitement. Look at the coaches, Rex is a media darling and an absolute soundbite machine. And more importantly, his players love him so much that they would die for him. I actually wish a few of them would. Tom Coughlin, on the other hand, looks and acts like some pissed off old man that won't give you your whiffle ball back after you hit it into his yard. And it seems like every year we hear about the Giants players ready to mutiny against him they hate him so much. Then you have the quarterbacks. The Jets have Sanchez, running around Manhattan, fucking chicks on both sides of 18 like a seasoned pro. And the Giants have Eli Manning,........Eli's so boring, I can't even come up with anything to say about him, good or bad.

With everybody forgetting about the Giants these days, they are also forgetting that unlike the Jets, the Giants have won more than one big game in the last 43 years. It was only 3 short years ago that the Giants pulled off one of the biggest upsets in Superbowl history, beating the 18-0 Patriots. And they still have a lot of the same players on the team today. In 2010, they missed the playoffs, despite going 10-6. But Manning, Ahmad Bradshaw and Hakeem Nicks all put up fantastic numbers, and there is little reason to believe that they won't do it again in 2011. The defense is still pretty solid too, finishing in the top 10 in the league against both the pass and the run. One area they should address is the offensive line, though. With only one starting lineman under 30, the Giants need to start thinking about the future. That's why they'll take:

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #19 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:
ANTHONY CASTONZO - OT, BOSTON COLLEGE

If there's one thing Tom Coughlin loves, it's offensive lineman from Boston College. He liked BC alum Chris Snee so much that he drafted him, then let him marry his daughter. The only question now is if Coughlin has another daughter, and if so, do you think she can handle the 6-7, 311 pound Castonzo hopping on top of her. We'll have to wait and see about that, but Castonzo will be a great fit for the Giants. Along with USC's Tyron Smith, Castonzo is one of the top two prospects at tackle in this draft. Smith may be a bit more athletically gifted, but he played at right tackle all through college. If you are going to use a 1st round pick on a tackle, he has to play on the quarterback's blindside, so unless Smith ends up on the Eagles, he may be a bit of a risk at left tackle. Castonzo, on the other hand, has started at left tackle for the last three years. So he should have no trouble watching Eli's back until he retires. As boring as that might be.

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Charger - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo

Pick # 18: San Diego Chargers

So I finally talked with Pierre le Chat today. Turns out he didn't shatter both of his ankles jumping off a hotel balcony into a pool, as I had hoped. Instead he was really busy with work or his girlfriend, or some bullshit like that. I was like, get your priorities straight, dude. The draft is less than a week away. When he heard that, he really started to freak out, so I said I would help him out for a few picks. Something you all should know about Pierre is that when the pressure's on, the kid folds like a cheap suit. That's okay though, because Big E's here to pick up the pieces and keep this train rolling (albeit 5 days later than I would've liked.)

So let's talk about the Chargers. 2010 was an interesting year for the Chargers to say the least. Ladanian Tomlinson was gone, Philip Rivers was still a giant douche, and the team finished the season 9-7, missing the playoffs for the first time since 2005, when Drew Brees was still starting at Quarterback. What's crazy is that the Chargers missed the playoffs despite finishing the season ranked #1 overall in both offense and defense in the league. They were only the 8th team in NFL history ever to do that, and they joined the 1953 Eagles as the only other team on that list to miss the playoffs. So how did they do this you ask? Through shitty special teams. Time and time again, the 2010 Chargers were let down by their not-so-special teams. The team found out the hard way that there are 3 phases in football. You have to show up on special teams too, not just offense and defense. So with a great offense and defense, and lousy special teams, the smart pick would be to take a player that could come right in and make an impact in the kicking game, right? Wrong. You have to remember that these are the Chargers we are talking about, so smart doesn't really enter into the equation. So instead they will take:

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #18 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:
MUHAMMAD WILKERSON - DE, TEMPLE

Wilkerson will actually be a decent pick for the Chargers. They have made it clear that if last year's starting DE Jacques Cesaire stays with the team, it will be in a reserve role. Cesaire's 1.5 sacks last season were far less than they want out of an end, so the hope is that Wilkerson will be able to step in and get more pressure on the quarterback. And he should be able to do it, too. In the past two seasons, Wilkerson has had 16 sacks, including 10 in 2010. Very impressive considering he was lining up at defensive tackle. At 6-5 315, Wilkerson has the size to play inside, and the speed and agility to play outside. A fantastic athlete, he was actually a star basketball player in high school. It is that versatility that teams covet, especially in a lineman for a 3-4 defense. And that is why Muhammad Wilkerson will be a perfect fit for the Chargers.

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Charger - Muhammad Wilkerson

ps. I don't see what the big deal is. This took me about 10 minutes to write. Pierre is being a little bitch.