Leonardo DiCaprio's new girlfriend is kind of cute.

Not bad, DiCaprio. Not bad.

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are making a Whitey Bulger movie.

deadline- Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are reuniting in their first real picture partnership since  Good Will Hunting. The Boston guys are taking on the story of New England’s most notorious gangster, Whitey Bulger. Warner Bros will make the film, Affleck will direct, co-star and produce with Damon, who’ll play Bulger. They’ll produce under their Pearl Street Films banner. Boardwalk Empire creator and writer Terence Winter is penning the script. Casey Affleck, who also starred in Good Will Hunting and Gone Baby Gone, will play a supporting role as well.

This sounds like a great idea. Affleck has become a pretty good director. Especially with movies about Boston's criminal underworld. And with Terence Winter writing the script, its probably going to be pretty awesome. I'm sure some people are wondering why Affleck and Damon don't just write the script themselves, they won an Oscar for Good Will Hunting after all, the only movie they ever wrote. I'm not really surprised, because I bet they never actually wrote Good Will Hunting in the first place. Think about it. If they won an Oscar for the first thing they ever wrote, why wouldn't they try it again? I know that they both became big stars right after winning the Oscar, and Matt Damon still is, but don't you think when Affleck's star began to fade after a few bombs (Daredevil, Gigli, Jersey Girl) he would've written himself another great movie to star in and turn his career around? Sylvester Stallone did the same thing when he wrote Rocky for himself in 1976. He then became a huge star, but he also kept writing parts for himself. Something he's done over 20 times. So why didn't Affleck do the same thing? Because he can't. Affleck and Damon are frauds.

Would you spend the night stuck in a baby swing for $100?

timesheraldonline- A Vallejo man was found in a child's swing Saturday morning after reportedly being stuck for about nine hours, police said.

At about 6 a.m., a groundskeeper of Blue Rock Springs Park heard a man screaming when he arrived at work. He then called the police to investigate.

Upon arrival, police found a 21-year-old man stuck in a child's swing, which has two leg holes.

The man told police that he had been stuck in the swing since 9 p.m. Friday after he allegedly made a $100 bet with his friends. He proceeded to lube himself with laundry detergent to get into the swing, police said.

The friends then reportedly left him swinging through the night.

Vallejo firefighters then were called to rescue him by cutting the swing chains off. He was then transported to Kaiser Permanente Vallejo Medical Center, where firefighters used a cast cutter to cut the swing off his body, firefighters said.

He sustained non-life threatening injuries.

I wonder what his non-life threatening injuries were. It had to be cock and/or ball related, right? If the swing is so small that you need to lube yourself up with laundry detergent just to get into it, chances are that 9 hours spent hanging in it are going to do some serious damage to your junk. A hundred dollars is a hundred dollars, and its even sweeter when it comes from gambling, but I don't think it's worth losing your dick for. At least this guy knows he has friends he can count on.

Ukraine accused of killing stray dogs in preparation for Euro 2012.

(Soccer Dog should probably sit next years tournament out.)

KIEV, Ukraine (AP) -- Animal welfare groups accuse Ukrainian authorities of using illegal and inhumane methods of killing stray dogs that cause long, agonizing deaths. They say dogs are often poisoned or injected with banned substances as officials rush to clear streets ahead of the Euro 2012 soccer championship next summer.

Euro 2012 organizers deny any involvement in a stray eradication campaign.

Full official statistics are hard to come by, but figures and estimates provided to The Associated Press by authorities in the Euro 2012 host cities of Kiev, Donetsk, Kharkiv and Lviv show more than 9,000 dogs have been put to death over the past year. Animal protection groups believe the number is far higher.

Ukraine has a large stray dog population, estimated at tens of thousands in some cities. The dogs, often running in packs, can be seen on streets, in parks and even children's playgrounds. Nearly 3,000 people reported being bitten by stray dogs last year in Kiev and about 1,900 in Kharkiv, according to city officials.

Is anybody really surprised that this is happening in Ukraine? Before you condemn the way that the Ukrainian officials are handling their stray dog problem, you have to remember that these are the same people that allowed this dog problem to get out of control in the first place. How the hell do tens of thousands of stray dogs take over a city anyway? Local government officials in these cities must be absolute morons. At least they're finally taking some initiative, though. Sure, feeding the dogs poisoned sausages may not be the best way of dealing with the problem, but at least it's something. My brother lived in Ukraine for a few years and he said the stray dogs were a big problem. They were all over the place. One winter night he was walking down the street and he saw a dead dog that was frozen solid in a garbage can. Apparently somebody had found the dog dead on the street and threw it away. And believe me, that's better than just leaving it on the street, because another time over there he saw a dead dog on the street getting banged by a fellow stray dog. Nobody should have to see that, especially not a visiting soccer fan.

So it's pretty obvious that something has to be done about the stray problem with the start of Euro 2012 rapidly approaching. Sure, we have to think about the welfare and safety of the fans, but I think more importantly, we should be thinking about the welfare and safety of all the whores that are shipped in to service those fans. Everybody knows that the success of an international soccer tournament is judged soley on the quality and availability of the whores. And the whores can't exactly avoid the dogs by hiding in their hotel rooms until kick-off now can they? Fuck no, they have to be out there on the front lines, pounding the pavement, and selling that ass. And if you think anybody is going to pay a premium price when there are bite marks from a stray dog all over said ass, you're probably a perfect candidate for local government in Ukraine.

Woman tries to cut off sleeping husband's head with a power saw.

dailymail- A woman has been accused of trying to saw her sleeping husband's head off with a power saw.

Police were called to Hoyt Avenue in Everett, Washington, on Friday, and found the unnamed 36-year-old still alive but his head and neck covered in bloody cuts.
When officers arrived at the  family residence they allegedly heard the husband screaming at his wife: 'It was you, it was you - you tried to cut my head off. You're going to jail.' Yesterday the woman, also unidentified,appeared in court on a charge of domestic violence assault and a judge ordered her bail to be kept at $250,000.
When interviewed by police the 43-year-old insisted that she had grabbed the power saw in the dead of night as she thought she heard an intruder escape from her daughter's window.
However, sergeant Robert Goetz indicated that there was no sign of a break-in - a child lock prevented the window in the child's room from opening more than a few inches.
In addition, both the front and back doors were locked from the inside.
He said: 'There was no evidence there was an intruder.'
The husband, who told officers that he woke to find the power tool whirring at his neck, was taken to hospital and treated for the lacerations.
He said he switched on a light to illuminate the dark room and his wife was menacingly holding the DIY instrument.
A Sawzall (a trademark of the Milwaukee Electric Tool Company) with blood on it was recovered from the bedroom floor and a hatchet was found on a kitchen shelf.

What an idiot this lady is. How the fuck are you going to cut somebody's head off with a Sawzall when they're still alive? You have to kill him first, then cut his head off. That blade is just going to bounce around on the soft skin, and he's definitely going to wake up. She should've bashed him over the head with a hammer, or strapped him down so he couldn't move first before breaking out the power tools. I guess if she really had her heart set on killing him with a power tool, a skill saw would've been a much smarter choice. The spinning blade of the skill saw would be much more effective than the sawing blade of the Sawzall. I'm sure if the roles were reversed in this situation, the husband would've used the proper tool.

Mass elementary school principal has a bug up her ass.

bostonherald- A Somerville principal has opened fire on cherished American holidays, blasting legendary explorer Christopher Columbus for “atrocities” and saying “we need to be careful” about celebrating Thanksgiving in a scathing email to teachers — who are already under orders not to let the kids dress up for Halloween.
“When we were young we might have been able to claim ignorance of the atrocities that Christopher Columbus committed against the indigenous peoples,” wrote Kennedy School Principal Anne Foley. “We can no longer do so. For many of us and our students celebrating this particular person is an insult and a slight to the people he annihilated. On the same lines, we need to be careful around the Thanksgiving Day time as well.”
Mayor Joseph Curtatone said, “She raises a fair point. History is messy.” School Superintendent Tony Pierantozzi said her “intention is to be very, very sensitive to all of the many, many cultures” of Somerville. Foley said she just wanted to “open up a conversation.”
“When I grew up, I was taught from a very European perspective of history and it was both embarrassing and enlightening to me when I learned other perspectives,” Foley said. “I want our children and families to know that we are aware of those other perspectives.”
When pressed on the “atrocities” of Columbus and misdeeds of the Pilgrims, Foley said she wasn’t going to “dwell on that.”
“I have friends who are Native American. I have friends from the islands in the Caribbean. I’ve heard their perspective on different things that we say and do — their versions of history,” said Foley.

Of the Somerville schools’ ban on Halloween costumes, Pierantozzi said, for some students’ families, “Halloween is problematic.” He cited its connections to witchcraft, adding, “Some of our students come from cultures where kids are frightened by it.”

But Somerville mom Michele Campbell called the holiday hoo-ha a joke: “Let the kids enjoy them.”

Anne Foley needs to relax and stop taking things so literally. Sure the anniversary of Columbus' arrival in the Western Hemisphere is a national holiday in this country, but it's not because we all love Columbus and want to honor him. It's actually because Italian immigrants in this country observed the day as a celebration of their heritage. That later led to lobbying by the Knights of Columbus to make it a national holiday. The holiday basically has nothing to do with Columbus himself. Principal Foley condemning Columbus day because of Columbus' actions, is like PETA condemning St. Patrick's Day because of St. Patrick's treatment of snakes.

That being said, I can see how Principal Foley could think some people would be against celebrating the holiday. Native Americans probably have a problem with one or two things that happened to them after European colonists arrived. However, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that the celebration of Columbus Day is pretty low on the list. Probably right below being referred to as native "Americans."

P.S. Not really sure about the origins of Halloween, but what I do know is that parents of students that have a problem with witchcraft are probably going to have a problem with basically everything, so your're probbaly better off not encouraging them.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now be aware of Kim Kardashian's breasts.

I guess you could say I have a love/ hate relationship with Kim Kardashian. I kind of hate the fact that she is famous for no apparent reason, but on the other hand, I will love it when nobody gives a shit about her anymore, like Paris Hilton. Hell of a rack, though.

Gold Rush Alaska is coming back for Season 2!

I love this show. Watching this rag tag group of inexperienced yet optimistic miners search for gold week after week, and then seeing that same group of miners fail miserably week after week, is truly entertaining. Looks like James Harness is back for season 2. That's great, he was one of my favorites. Watching him go through morphine withdrawal was one of the highlights of the 1st season. Hopefully they bring Dorsey back for the 2nd season, too. That guy was the biggest fuck up, and that's saying a lot on a show filled with fuck ups. Think about it, these men were facing tough financial times in their native Oregon. Money was tight and work was scarce, so they did the responsible thing and sunk all of their money into a gold mine a few thousand miles away. That's fucking insane. What drugs were these guys on when they came up with this plan? Well, we know what Harness was on, but what about the rest of them? I guess I really shouldn't complain. Their misfortune led to some really entertaining television. Hopefully they are just as inept in season 2. I would hate to see these shitheads actually strike it rich. Unless of course they finally locate the "Glory Hole" that would be pretty cool.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now be aware of Lindsay Lohan's breasts.

(She may be a crazy bitch, but those titties ain't crazy.)

Wait, Random Task really is an evil henchman?

chicagotribune- An "Austin Powers" actor convicted of torturing a woman in Orange County is suspected of killing his cellmate in a Central Valley prison, authorities said Tuesday.
Joseph Hyungmin Son, 40, allegedly killed his 50-year-old cellmate, who was found dead Monday afternoon at Wasco State Prison Reception Center in Kern County.
The cellmate was a parole violator who had been sentenced to two years in prison for failing to register as a sex offender, according to a prison report. A cause of death was pending.
Prison officials have named Son as the suspect, but officials said charges against him will await the completion of the investigation. Son, who played henchman Random Task in "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery," was also briefly a mixed martial arts fighter who used the name Joe Son.
He had arrived at the prison reception center Sept. 16 after having been convicted of torture and sentenced to life in prison without parole in connection with the 1990 Christmas Eve rape of a woman out walking her dog.

Wow. This story just blew my mind. I'm sure he murdered his cellmate, but I think the rape conviction may have been a frame job. The defense should have just shown the video of his fight against Keith Hackney. After seeing that, I don't think its physically possible for him to rape somebody.

That clip never gets old. That Keith Hackney was quite a character. The dude looked like a substitute gym teacher and liked pummeling guys in the balls so much, I'm surprised getting "Hackney'd" never took off as a term for getting your nuts absolutely crushed. Just watch him turn the tide in this fight against a sumo wrestler by "Hackneying" this guy into submission.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now be aware of Pamela Anderson's breasts.

This isn't really fair.

Just look at that strut after he knocks him out. All business motherfucker! Problem is, he is a black belt, and the other guy is a yellow belt. I don't know much about karate, but I do know that the black belt is the highest belt you can get, and the yellow belt is the second belt you get. There are like 10 belts between yellow and black. You get a white belt just for signing up, and I think you get a yellow belt at the end of the first class. Not exactly a fair fight. Who the hell signed off on this fight? Was the yellow belt late on his class fees or something? Who are these cheering people? Can't they see that this was basically an assault?

Connecticut inmates angry over porn ban.

HARTFORD, CT (AP) - A group of Connecticut prisoners has begun a letter-writing campaign to protest what they see as an unfair ban on pornography inside the state's correctional institutions.

The Department of Correction announced in July it would ban all material containing "pictorial depictions of sexual activity or nudity" from the prisons. The ban takes effect next summer.

Spokesman Brian Garnett says the Correction Department has received about three dozen letters, many of them form letters, claiming the recently adopted ban violates inmates' First Amendment constitutional rights.

Bill Dunlap, a law professor at Quinnipiac University, says the ban goes beyond what the U.S. Supreme Court has upheld. But, he says, the courts often side with prisons on First Amendment issues if they can prove a legitimate goal other than to simply suppress material that some people might find objectionable.

The Connecticut DOC is a bunch of assholes. Isn't it bad enough that these guys are locked up? Why do you have to take away their porn too? It would seem to me that access to porn leads to a healthier, happier prison system. Whacking off is a victimless crime. You know what isn't a victimless crime? Prison rape (not really relevant to this issue, but I always like to keep people aware of that fact.) So what if a few female corrections officers see some porn here and there? They work in a fucking prison! I'm sure they've seen and heard much worse while on the job. And that's just from their co-workers. Have you ever met these creeps that work in corrections? Total fucking psychos.

Come on Connecticut DOC, lighten up. These guys have given up a lot by being locked up, and now they are giving up their dignity by writing these letters. What kind of degenerate writes a letter to protect their right to keep porn? These are obviously desperate men. Wouldn't it be funny if this case went all the way to the Supreme Court and became a landmark case like Plessy vs Ferguson, or Roe vs Wade? 50 years from now, school children could be learning about Masturbators vs the Connecticut DOC.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now be aware of Salma Hayek's breasts.

(Really weird. But I'd still bang her.)

Dutch national railway offering piss bags for passengers.

AMSTERDAM — The Dutch national railway has an unusual solution for passengers who need the bathroom on a train line designed without them: plastic bags.

The rail operator underlined that the bags, introduced Friday, are for use in emergencies only, when a train has stopped and passengers can't be evacuated. The idea has been met with incredulity by politicians and the general public already unhappy with the short-haul "Sprinter" trains' bathroomless design.

NS spokesman Eric Trinthamer confirmed Friday the "pee-bag" plan is not a joke. The bags are kept out of sight in the conductor's booth.

The bags have a cup-shaped plastic top and contain a highly absorbent material that turns urine into a gel-like mixture. After use the bags can be sealed and thrown in the trash.

This is a brilliant idea! Obviously bathrooms on the trains would be a better idea, but piss bags are better than nothing. What would these naysayers and doubting thomas' rather do when trapped on a train, piss on the floor, or piss in a specially designed bag that turns your pee into gel? Nobody likes the barf bags on planes either, but they are very handy in an emergency situation. Sure, piss bags might be a little harder to use for women than they are for men, but them's the breaks. Word out of Holland is that the trains are also developing prototype shit bags. Not really sure how I feel about that one.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now be aware of Katy Perry's breasts.

Dude gets caught banging a 71 yr old broad in the back of his Buick.

OCTOBER 5--A naked 71-year-old woman and her equally clothes-free male companion, 54, were arrested last month for indecent exposure after a Michigan cop found them trysting in the back seat of a Buick Regal that was rocking gently and had its windows steamed over, according to a police report. 

When the officer opened the vehicle’s rear door and asked the nude couple what they were doing, Tim Adams offered a concise answer. “I’m fucking this chick,” he said.

Yes, Adams referred to his septuagenarian consort, Rita Daniels, as a “chick.”

According to a City of Farmington Police report, the 2002 Buick was in a shopping center parking lot, adjacent to a restaurant whose customers, including a 10-year-old-boy, apparently had a view of the illicit nighttime action on September 3.

Officer Andrew Morche noted that the car’s windows “were covered with heavy condensation,” and that Daniels was atop Adams “and the two were engaged in sexual activities.” The pair was parked in a spot outside the restaurants Luigi’s and Tre Sorelle .

A police investigation determined that the couple’s courtship was a brief one. They had met for drinks at a nearby bar “before moving to the back seat of the Buick.” When questioned by cops, neither Daniels nor Adams--both of whom were unsteady and smelled of booze--knew the other’s name. A Breathalyzer test recorded Daniels’s blood alcohol content as .15, nearly twice the state limit.
Daniels and Adams were busted for indecent exposure and disorderly intoxication and booked into the local jail, where they were held until sobriety returned. While in custody, cops noted, “Adams decided to strip to his underwear.”

I feel bad for Tim Adams. This would've been a nice little Saturday night for him if those damn cops never showed up. Tim went out to the bar, got tanked, started chatting up some skank, then showed said skank the back seat of his Buick. I'm sure that as soon as he was done fucking, Tim would've bid her farewell, then called it a night. Then at work on Monday, he would've had a funny story about getting wasted and banging some random chick in the parking lot without ever even getting her name. Tim and his co-workers would've had a nice chuckle about the story, then gone on with their day. End of Story. The key point here is that Tim was wasted, he probably never even realized that he was banging a 71 yr old. Rita Daniels was just the latest in a long line of random drunken hook-ups over the last 30+ years for Mr. Adams. But since he got caught in the act by the cops, he will now forever be known as the guy who was caught banging a blue hair in the back of his Buick. You can't help but feel sorry for the chap.



October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now be aware of Sofia Vergara's breasts.

(When is Ass Cancer Awareness Month?)

Fewer Incidents Of Drunk Driving Blamed On Poor Economy.

ATLANTA (AP) -- Drunken driving incidents have fallen 30 percent in the last five years, and last year were at their lowest mark in nearly two decades, according to a new federal report.

The decline may be due to the down economy: Other research suggests people are still drinking as heavily as in years past, so some may just be finding cheaper ways of imbibing than by going to bars, night clubs and restaurants.

I am now officially worried about the state of the economy in this country. I knew we've had a few tough years, but I had no idea that it was to this extent. Drunken driving incidents down 30%? I'm totally shocked. Drunk driving is as American as apple pie, and to think that the numbers have dropped like that in such a short time is truly frightening. And it's only going to get worse, everybody knows that 90% of this economy is alcohol sales, and entire local governments are funded by DUI fines. I don't think people realize this. And you know that anti-drunk driving organizations like Mothers Against Drunk Driving have had absolutely nothing to do with this drop. No, this is happening because people just don't have the money any more to go out to a bar and get absolutely shitfaced, then drive home. And that is wrong. Just think of the children. If this trend continues, there could be a whole generation of kids that don't drive around drunk at all, and we can't have that. Sure there would probably be far less teens dying in car accidents, but that's not what's important. What is important is that we as a society keep on drinking and driving. I'm sure some of you are like "but Big E, I'm just one person, what can I do?" I'll tell you what you can do. Get off your ass and drive yourself to a bar. I don't care if you have to work tomorrow. I don't care if the bar is walking distance. Go out, get polluted, then drive yourself home, like a true American.

Happy 64th Birthday Brian Johnson!

Everybody knows that October 5th is Constitution day in Vanuatu, and that Vanuatu is famous for its land divers like the one shown here. But I bet few people knew that today was also AC/DC singer Brian Johnson's birthday. Brian joined AC/DC after original singer Bon Scott died in 1980, and the the band became bigger than ever. This is very rare in rock & roll history. Remember the Crickets after Buddy Holly died? Or how about the Plastic Ono Band after John Lennon died? I don't either. The only other bands I can think of that lost their original singer but retained their level of success or got even bigger were Genesis and Van Halen. And many will argue that those two bands got lamer with their new singers. The same definitely cannot be said for AC/DC. They remained as badass as ever. In an unrelated story, Brian Johnson is a huge fan of musical theater. He has been working on a Helen of Troy musical since 2003. Sounds badass. Anyway, happy birthday Brian.

Spock is sick of Trekkie nerds.

contactmusic- Leonard Nimoy has attended his last 'Star Trek' convention.

The 80-year-old actor - who has played character Spock in the original TV series 'Star Trek' and seven film instalments - gave an hour long speech at the official 45th Anniversary Star Trek Convention in Rosemont, Illinois, on Saturday (01.10.11) joking he grew up as parents of aliens in the real world only to go on to become one for the rest of his life.

He told the applauding crowd: "So emotional. Thanks. You know, my parents came from Russia. They came to the Unites States as aliens. I was born in Boston a citizen. Then I became an alien - a very unsettling feeling. My life quickly got pretty crazy - I hadn't anticipated what it would be like to be on a regular television series every week."

Fans in the crowd held up posters and banners and gave the Vulcan hand signal he became famous for, and upon leaving he told the crowd to "live long and prosper".

Can you imagine how sick Leonard Nimoy must be of Trekkies? These Star Trek conventions are huge money-makers for the castmembers. In addition to appearance fees, stars like Nimoy charge over $100 an autograph, and much more for private meet and greets. These conventions are basically a licence to print money. So why would he ever want to give them up? I'll tell you why, it's the fucking Trekkies. He can't stand those god damn nerds. How much of a pain in Nimoy's ass do those clowns have to be in order for him to turn down shit loads of money just for showing up? Maybe Shatner was right.

William Shatner SNL skit Get A Life 1986-12-20 by efly2020

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Now be aware of Halle Berry's breasts.

(Bruce Willis is aware.)