Pick #23: Philadelphia Eagles

So this blog marks the return of Pierre le Chat. Big E was getting pretty big for his britches in Pierre’s absence and showed his true colors by going into a deep funk as soon as I got a little busy and asked him to cover a blog for a day. Jesus Christ. I’ve never heard such whining and seen such bitchy text messages in my life. It’s honestly like I’m dating a clingy girlfriend who wants to know what I’m doing and thinking 24 hours a day. Why am I busy? I’m just busy! Fuck off! Oh and you want me to only take 10 minutes to write a blog? Is that really what you want? I guess so, because judging by the quality of Big E’s draft posts I sure that you really only did take 10 minutes. Look, here’s a tip. If you want to get a readership, and sustain a readership, put a little time in. Be a little professional. It won’t kill you. Really, it won’t. But hey, if those really only took you 10 minutes than from here on one out mine are only going to be 10 minutes. I’m literally setting the timer right now and when 10 minutes is up I’m posting this motherfucker.

Now, back to the Eagles. Around this time last year the football world was divided on the Donovan McNabb trade. What a difference a year makes. The trade is now known to be a coup for the Eagles who selected safety Nate Allen with the number 34 pick to replace the departed Brian Dawkins and stumbled into a vintage Mike Vick season after Kevin Kolb went down with a concussion. Vick seemed to shake off the cobwebs from his time in federal pound me in the ass prison and had arguably his best season ever. The only problem is he took a ton of hits because of his crazy running style. Now the Eagles are faced with the dilemma - do they give up Kolb once a CBA is reached for possibly a first round draft pick in 2012 or do they hold onto him for insurance when some linebacker goes all Mo Lewis on Vick on the sideline in week 5? It will be interesting to see how Reid plays it. Maybe he can trade Kolb to the Redskins for 3 first round picks and then trade one of those picks back to the Redskins for Kolb. It actually wouldn’t be so different from the trade they made with the Skins last year.

(INSERT OFFENSIVE NAME) #23 OVERALL MOCK DRAFT PICK:

GABE CARIMI - OG, WISCONSIN

This guy’s nickname at Wisconsin is “The Jewish Hammer” that’s really all you have to know. I fell in love with him as soon as I heard this and kind of hope the Patriots reach for him at 17 just because I want to root for the Jewish Hammer. A lot of people are mocking secondary help to the Eagles and it’s certainly an area of need but last year’s draft was so defensive focused I think the Eagles look to upgrade that offensive line. Carimi won the Outland Trophy as the nation’s top interior lineman and should start from Day 1 in the NFL. He’d be a great addition to the Eagles offensive line, something that has been a problem area for them in recent years. The other reason this is a good fit is because the Eagles, just like the Cowboys, love massive offensive lineman and Carimi is a monster - he is 6’7’’ and has 35 inch arms, that’s incredible, but really the most amazing thing about him....oh my 10 minute timer went off, can’t finish this, sorry but gotta keep up the Insert Offensive Name standards...

Entire Mock Draft:

1. Carolina Panthers - Marcell Dareus
2. Denver Broncos - Patrick Peterson
3. Buffalo Bills - Cam Newton
4. Cincinnati Bengals - A.J. Green
5. Arizona Cardinals - Blaine Gabbert
6. Cleveland Browns - Julio Jones
7. San Francisco 49ers - Von Miller
8. Tennessee Titans - Nick Fairley
9. Dallas Cowboys - Prince Amukamara
10. Washington Redskins - Jake Locker
11. Houston Texans - Robert Quinn
12. Minnesota Vikings - J.J Watt
13. Detroit Lions - Tyron Smith
14. St. Louis Rams - Aldon Smith
15. Miami Dolphins - Mike Pouncey
16. Jacksonville Jaguars - Cameron Jordan
17. New England Patriots - Ryan Kerrigan
18. San Diego Chargers - Muhammad Wilkerson
19. New York Giants - Anthony Castonzo
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Da'Quan Bowers
21. Kansas City Chiefs - Phil Taylor
22. Indianaolis Colts - Nate Solder
23. Philadelphia Eagles - Gabe Carimi