Friday, May 27, 2011
Peace Out Motherfuckers!
I'm out! Time to go enjoy the unofficial kick-off of summer. Why does it always have to be unofficial? Can't we just say that summer starts on that last weekend of May? Yes, yes, I know that June 21st is the official start because the summer solstice is the longest day of the year when the Earth's axial tilt is most inclined towards the sun at its maximum of 23° 26', which will occur at 5:16 PM this year, and that the word solstice comes from the Latin words sol (sun) and sistere (to stand still). Everybody knows that. But who really gives a shit? The summer starts Memorial Day and ends Labor day. That's it. End of story. Next person that calls Memorial Day the "unofficial" start of the summer in front of me is getting "officially" punched in the face.
Oregon mailman caught taking a shit in somebody's yard.
PORTLAND, Ore.- A mail carrier who was caught using a yard as his personal toilet will not be fired.
The incident happened last month at a home in southeast Portland and a neighbor, Don Derfler, captured the man in the act with his camera.
Derfler had been waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at his neighbor's house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants and that's when Derfler began snapping pictures.
"We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature," Derfler told us when we interviewed him in April. "To come on to our property and to defecate - it's just wrong."
The incident was an embarrassment to the post office and the worker was immediately placed on unpaid leave. Now, a decision has been made to keep the worker but he will be transferred to a different route.
A spokesperson said the administrative action was taken based on a postal service investigation but he did not elaborate. He also did not say which route the mail carrier has been assigned to cover.
I love how Don Derfler can just sit up there on his high horse and pass judgement on this poor unfortunate mailman. I guess Mr. Derfler has never experienced a Code Brown, when you have to make a snap decision to either find somewhere to dump out immediately or shit your pants. This mailman knew that, one way or another, he was about to shit. So he shit in somebody's back yard. And he made the right decision in my opinion. If he had shit his pants, he would've had to go home and change, and the mail for hundreds of people would arrive late. But the mailman would not let this happen. He had taken a vow on his first day as a letter carrier that "neither snow nor rain nor heat nor threat of Code Brown would keep him from the swift completion of his appointed rounds." So he did what had to be done. It wasn't necessarily the popular thing to do, but it was the right thing to do. Look, I don't like to throw around the word hero too often, but in my opinion, the back yard shitting mailman of southeast Portland is a true American hero. And he should be regarded as such. Don Derfler should be ashamed of himself.
U.S. Citizen charged for insulting the monarchy of Thailand.
BANGKOK (Reuters)- Thai authorities have arrested and charged a U.S. citizen with insulting the country's revered monarchy, the latest of a growing number of people accused of breaching the world's toughest lese-majeste laws.
The Department of Special Investigation (DSI), Thailand's equivalent of the FBI in the United States, said Thai-born Lerpong Wichaikhammat, 55, had translated an article deemed offensive to the monarchy and posted it on his blog.
He was also accused of providing a web link to a controversial biography by an American author of 83-year-old King Bhumibiol Adulyadej, a book banned in Thailand.
Lese-majeste, or insulting the monarchy, is a very serious offence in Thailand, where many people regard King Bhumibol as almost divine. Each offence is punishable by up to 15 years in prison. The latest alleged offences also contravened the country's Computer Crimes Act, the DSI said.
"He denied all charges and we are preparing the case to submit to the court for prosecution," DSI Chief Tharit Pengdith told Reuters.
Where does this guy get off insulting the Thai monarchy like that? Posting a link to a controversial biography about the king is something you just don't do in Thailand. It is a serious insult to the Thai people. Sure, you can roll into Bangkok and fuck anything that moves. Be it young girls, young boys, young ladyboys, old ladyboys, not really that old but definitely not young ladyboys, or basically anything else you can think of, all while being beaten with bamboo rods by midgets dressed like miniature Thai kickboxers. But don't even think about dissing the monarchy. That is just embarrassing to the culture of Thailand.
Rail slide turns tragic for Rockies fan.
DENVER (CBS4)- A baseball fan who fell down a stairwell during a Rockies game at Coors Field on Tuesday has died.
Witnesses told police Robert Seamans, 27, of Pueblo, fell while sliding down a rail. It happened during the first doubleheader game against the Arizona Diamondbacks.
A spokesperson for Denver Health Medical Center told CBS4 Seamans died sometime on Wednesday.
Ouch. Talk about an embarrassing way to die. The only thing more embarrassing than death from showing off is death from taunting. As in taunting a wild animal right before you're torn to shreds. You know anybody who saw this happen was initially happy when he fell off the rail and busted his ass. In their minds, they were probably like, "I hope that fucker broke his neck. Serves him right." I bet they felt bad when they realized he was really hurt, but they weren't sorry for thinking it. Because hey, nobody likes a show off.
Nice trick, asshole.
The only thing that would have made this any better is if the seat somehow got lodged in his ass.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
So apparently Hitler trained dogs to talk during WWII.
thesun- Hitler tried to win World War Two with an army of talking dogs, amazing research shows. The barking-mad pet-lover believed the animals were almost as intelligent as humans and hoped they'd learn to communicate with their SS masters.
He set up a school to train them to talk, read and spell in the belief they could act as concentration camp guards - freeing up more soldiers to fight.
Star pupil at the school near Hanover, Germany, was Aire- dale terrier Rolf. He tapped out letters of the alphabet with his paws and was said to have speculated about religion and learnt POETRY.
He reportedly asked a visiting noblewoman: "Could you wag your tail?" Another mutt was said to have uttered the words "Mein Fuhrer" when asked who Hitler was - while another imitated a human voice to bark: "Hungry! Give me cakes" in German.
Other ludicrous experiments saw so-called scientists test telepathic communications between humans and dogs. The bizarre tale of Germany's educated dogs has now been detailed by Dr Jan Bondeson, a senior lecturer at Cardiff University School of Medicine, in his book Amazing Dogs: A Cabinet of Canine Curiosities.
Dr Bondeson, 49, said: "It is absolutely extraordinary stuff. There were some very strange experiments going on in wartime Germany regarding dog-human communication.
"It's a fascinating insight into a hitherto unknown facet of Nazi Germany, but there is no evidence it ever came to fruition."
What a fucking moron Hitler was. Teaching the dogs to talk wasn't going to do anything. They would still be dogs after all. It's not like they could hold rifles or drive jeeps around, or do whatever else the guards at concentration camps were doing. They can't even open and close doors. Basically, the dogs would be just like they always were, only they could also talk to you. Doesn't really seem like big advantage for the third reich. And what if once the dogs learned how to communicate, they said that they weren't really into being Nazi's anymore. Just look at Rolf for example. He speculated about religion and was into poetry. He doesn't really sound like much of a Nazi, now does he? And then what does Hitler do when the dogs reject Nazism? He can't really have them running his concentration camps, they would let everybody go free. Would he have the dogs executed? Seems like a bad idea after they spent all the time and money teaching the dogs how to talk in the first place. Hitler should have scrapped the program and trained a few more Red Skulls.
Florida dentist charged with assaulting 85 year old patient.
According to cops, Michael Hammonds, 57, was attempting to adjust Virginia Graham’s “lower partial dentures” when the senior citizen “began screaming” due to pain caused by the ill-fitting false teeth.
“Graham removed the partials from her mouth and threw them at Hammonds, which he caught,” according to a Volusia County Sheriff’s Office report.
When Hammonds refused Graham’s demand for a $900 refund, she tried to snatch the dentures from the dentist’s hand, prompting a “brief tug-of-war.” At that point, “Graham then bent down and bit Hammonds hand forcing him to let go of the partial.”Graham then got out of the operating chair and sought to leave Hammonds’s Deltona office. But the dentist “got in her face and began screaming at her, causing her to fear that he would potentially cause her harm,” investigators reported. Graham told deputies that Hammonds physically kept her from leaving his office. She “made one final attempt to leave by trying to climb over the receptionist desk and out the receptionists window,” but abandoned that bid in order to avoid injury. Sheriff’s deputies observed “multiple bruising” on Graham’s upper arms and forearms, and her “left upper arm was bleeding due to her skin tearing when Hammonds grabbed her arm.”
Investigators--citing the “totality of the circumstances of Graham being 85 years of age” and “Hammonds depriving her the free will” to leave the office--arrested the dentist on a variety of felony charges, including assault, battery, and false imprisonment.
Hammonds was booked yesterday afternoon into the Volusia County jail, and later released after posting $4000 bond.
Why was the dentist charged here? It sounds to me like they were both at fault. If he's going to jail, she should be too. Sure he held her against her will and roughed her up a bit, but that was only after she threw her teeth at him then bit him. Wait, how the fuck did she bite him without her teeth? Regardless of that, I would give anything to see footage of an 85 year old woman trying to climb over the receptionist's desk and out the window. Like how far did she get before she gave up? I doubt she even got one leg up on the desk.
Grandma should just relax and drop the charges. Things got a little out of hand with the dentist, but you can't really blame him. Being a dentist must suck ass. Sure you make a decent living, but you have to put your hands in other people's mouth's all day. That is fucking disgusting. The only job in the medical field grosser than that is being a proctologist. And that's only slightly worse. In most cases, asshole's smell worse than bad breath, but people don't talk and breathe out of their assholes (at least not literally), so it's not like that stink is constantly being blown into your face like it is when you are a dentist. Plus people always hate going to the dentist, probably even more than a visit to the proctologist, so you are constantly dealing with patients that act like pricks. When you really think about what it must be like to be a dentist, you start to understand why slapping around an old lady once in a while shouldn't be made into such a big deal.
New Zealand trucker blows up like a balloon after getting compressed air blown into his ass.
WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A New Zealand truck driver said he blew up like a balloon when he fell onto the fitting of a compressed air hose that pierced his buttock and forced air into his body at 100 pounds a square inch.
Steven McCormack was standing on his truck's foot plate Saturday when he slipped and fell, breaking a compressed air hose off an air reservoir that powered the truck's brakes.
He fell hard onto the brass fitting, which pierced his left buttock and started pumping air into his body.
"I felt the air rush into my body and I felt like it was going to explode from my foot," he told local media from his hospital bed in the town of Whakatane, on North Island's east coast.
"I was blowing up like a football," he said. "I had no choice but just to lay there, blowing up like a balloon."
McCormack's workmates heard his screams and ran to him, quickly releasing a safety valve to stop the air flow, said Robbie Petersen, co-owner of the trucking company.
He was rushed to the hospital with terrible swelling and fluid in one lung. Doctors said the air had separated fat from muscle in McCormack's body, but had not entered his bloodstream.
McCormack, 48, said his skin felt "like a pork roast" — crackling on the outside but soft underneath.
Turns out it happened by accident, or so he told the authorities. That's a pretty wild scenario if you ask me. He slipped and fell, and in the process, broke off a compressed air hose that miraculously ended up in his ass. Likely story, pal. Look, I don't know anything about what kiwi truckers like to do to get their jollies, and honestly I don't really care, but don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining. There is no way in hell that this story really went down like this. Zero fucking chance.
Typical Eagles fan.
Horrible Boxing Skils - Watch more Funny Videos
I'm no boxing expert, but I think the jab only works if you throw it.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Really Lakers?
I was watching the Mavs game and saw the bottom line that said the Lakers had hired Brown as their coach. I just assumed Larry Brown and it seemed to make sense. Turns out it's Mike Brown. Really? Isn't that the guy who could never get the Cavs over the hump with Lebron and forced him to flee Cleveland and make it to the finals the next year? More importantly, do you realize what Mike Brown's most recent coaching gig has been? Assistant coach on the Westlake Lee Burneson Middle School. No joke, look it up. Not even the head coach. Yeah his son plays on the team but still. Shouldn't he at least be the head coach? This guy sucks. The Lakers decline is going to be fun to watch.
Would banging a hypnotized chick be considered rape?
Girl's Hypnosis Gone Painfully Wrong - Watch more Funny Videos
If not, this guy might be on to something. He just has to try this by the side of a bed next time.
Seriously though, what was this guy's plan? Didn't he know that if he really succeeded in putting her to sleep that something like this might happen? Once the girl got out of the emergency room she must have been like thanks a lot, dickhead.
Ray Lewis makes "controversial" comments in ESPN interview.
BALTIMORE (WJZ)- Controversial comments. Ravens star Ray Lewis issues a stern warning. He says if there is no football, crime will increase across the country.
As Kai Jackson explains, not everyone agrees.
Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis is known for speaking his mind and that’s exactly what he did when ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio asked Lewis about the NFL lockout.
“We really gotta remove pride, seriously. There’s no other reason the issue’s going on,” he said.
Perhaps his most controversial statement was about the possibility of no NFL season. Lewis painted a grim picture across America of people without jobs and nothing to do on Sundays.
“Do this research. If we don’t have a season, watch how much evil, which we call it crime, watch how much crime picks up when you take away our game,” he said.
“I would hope that it would not increase crime without football. Baltimore is a place where we do have other things for people to enjoy,” said Baltimore City Councilwoman Helen Holton.
Another city councilman says if Ray Lewis is that concerned about the possibility of crime increasing, he should do something about it. He issued a challenge to the linebacker.
“Well, Ray…that’s pretty irresponsible. If you really feel that way, then come on down. We could use your help,” said Councilman Jim Kraft.
All council members agree that the NFL lockout will have a detrimental financial impact in Baltimore and other cities with NFL teams.
I don't see what the big deal is here. Ray was just giving his educated opinion on what could happen if there is no NFL season this year. I say educated because Ray sure as hell knows a lot about violence and crime. He's been crushing dudes for the last 15 years as a linebacker with the Ravens, and he also stabbed two guys to death at a Superbowl party in 2000. Yes, I know he was never convicted of the crime, but that's because he hid evidence and ratted out his two buddies, who were later acquitted (how the hell did did that happen?) Oh yeah, and he also paid off the families of the two victims, which is an interesting move for an innocent man. So needless to say, Ray knows a lot about criminal activity.
I wonder if he's talking about NFL fans or players? Gotta be players, right? Because I don't think there is doubt in anybody's minds that crime among players will go through the roof if there is no season. Look how much trouble players get into every season. And that's with only one day off a week, and one week off a season. With nothing but time on the player's hands, it could get pretty interesting. Except for in Cincinnati of course, where player crime should remain about the same.
New York man beats his puppy on an elevator.
 |
| (This may or may not be the puppy in question.) |
NEW YORK (CBSNewYork)- Most people have puppy love. A man caught on tape in an East Harlem elevator seems to have the opposite.
The New York Police Department says Irving Sanchez, 46, was arrested after allegedly being caught on an elevator’s surveillance camera brutalizing a pit bull puppy.
The video was captured Sunday in the Wagner Houses in East Harlem. It shows a shocking attack.
In the video, a man police say is Sanchez is seen walking into the elevator with a small pit bull puppy named Max. Once inside the elevator, the man is seen dragging the dog from side to side of the elevator by its leash, hurling it into the elevator walls.
Then the man leans in and hits the dog repeatedly with the handle of the leash, wielding the strap like a club.Finally the man starts stepping on the dog and appears to kick him.
Sanchez was arrested the next day. He is charged with aggravated cruelty to animals.
Max was taken to an animal shelter.
Watch video here.
I was about to write something on this story when I started looking at the comments section, which is the funniest thing I've seen all day. Somehow they managed to start an argument about abortion by the second post, and it just got crazier from there. Here are some highlights:
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Mike
What alot of people dont understand is that this guy is doing this to make the pup grow up mean. Pitbull owners are losers to begin with, and they want their dog to be “baddass”. I would bet money he takes them to fights. I would also bet money he beats his kids around to make them “tough” too.
What alot of people dont understand is that this guy is doing this to make the pup grow up mean. Pitbull owners are losers to begin with, and they want their dog to be “baddass”. I would bet money he takes them to fights. I would also bet money he beats his kids around to make them “tough” too.
Eric
This is bad…..I wish more people felt this way about ABORTION. Think about how cruel that violent act is. Most people will actually defend it…watch.
This is bad…..I wish more people felt this way about ABORTION. Think about how cruel that violent act is. Most people will actually defend it…watch.
Who says David Beckham can't defend?
Jesus, how bad does Beckham want out of LA. Not only does he fly all the way to Manchester in the middle of the season to play in an exhibition match, he also put in some work as a security guard. I heard he gave Wayne Rooney a deep tissue rub down in the locker room after the game, too.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Obama-Cameron take on Gaddafi in Canadian doubles Table Tennis match
Barack Obama landed in Ye Olde England last night to endless applause and numerous requests from Prime Minister David Cameron to participate in a few matches of Table Tennis ("ping pong" to all you idiots out there). Following diplomatic sporting tradition (Churchill once throttled Franklin D. Roosevelt in a smashing game of Squash), Obama rolled up his sleeves to pair with David Cameron in a 2-v-1 Canadian doubles match against Muammar Gaddafi. The so-called Special Relationship between Obama and Cameron was on full display as Cameron repeatedly bombed Gaddafi with ripping shots, much to the excitement of Obama. At the time of writing, Gaddafi continued to worm his way out of trouble despite the growing allied pressure against him. The game rages on.
Check out the trailer for The Adventures of Tintin
I'm definitely going to check this movie out. I was always a Tintin fan. And there are a lot of big names like Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson making this movie and the two sequels that are set to be made after this one. They should be pretty good. The interesting thing about Tintin to me was that I always liked the books, but I never really liked Tintin himself. I always thought he was kind of a little bitch. I liked Captain Haddock a lot, though. He was always busting Tintin's balls and getting absolutely ripped on scotch. But, I did always think it was kind of funny that this old sea captain was best friends with a teenager. What was that all about? My buddy thinks that Tintin is really in his late 20's, but that's bullshit. He's definitely like 17. (According to tintin.com, he is between the ages of 16 and 18. I fucking knew it!) My buddy also used to tell me that there were lots of gay overtones in the Tintin saga as well. I always thought he was full of shit about that too, but there have been articles that support this idea. And I guess when I think about it, Tintin can be a bit gay sometimes.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Call Centers crack me up.
So I just made a customer service call about a bullshit charge on my credit card and I got on the line with this foreign guy who sounded Indian or something. The guy had a super thick accent and it was kind of hard to understand him, but he helped me out no problem and everything is good. I would definitely have to say that he did a fantastic job, despite the fact that I couldn't understand half the shit he said. But what really cracked me up was that the dude said his name was Jackson. There is no fucking way this guy's name is Jackson. There are 1.2 billion people living in India, and I guarantee not a single one of them is named Jackson. I understand that the guys in these call centers started using American names so we would think that we were talking to somebody in this country, but I think at this point, it's safe to say that nobody actually believes that anymore. NBC has a stupid fucking show about an Indian call center for christ's sake. I think the secrets out. They should just go ahead and use their real names. I really don't think anybody is going to give a fuck. And if you have a really hard name to pronounce, just use a fake Indian name that everybody in America is already familiar with like Vijay or Apu or Houshmandzadeh. Just not Jackson. How am I supposed to trust this guy with my credit card information when the first thing out of his mouth to me is a lie?
 |
| (Hello, this is Jackson.) |
So I just made a customer service call about a bullshit charge on my credit card and I got on the line with this foreign guy who sounded Indian or something. The guy had a super thick accent and it was kind of hard to understand him, but he helped me out no problem and everything is good. I would definitely have to say that he did a fantastic job, despite the fact that I couldn't understand half the shit he said. But what really cracked me up was that the dude said his name was Jackson. There is no fucking way this guy's name is Jackson. There are 1.2 billion people living in India, and I guarantee not a single one of them is named Jackson. I understand that the guys in these call centers started using American names so we would think that we were talking to somebody in this country, but I think at this point, it's safe to say that nobody actually believes that anymore. NBC has a stupid fucking show about an Indian call center for christ's sake. I think the secrets out. They should just go ahead and use their real names. I really don't think anybody is going to give a fuck. And if you have a really hard name to pronounce, just use a fake Indian name that everybody in America is already familiar with like Vijay or Apu or Houshmandzadeh. Just not Jackson. How am I supposed to trust this guy with my credit card information when the first thing out of his mouth to me is a lie?
Who the hell would pay to see this?
I was down in Boston this weekend and I saw an ad for this show and it literally blew my mind. A live show featuring the Deadliest Catch captains? Who the fuck would go to this? And the ticket prices range from $35 to $90. Are you fucking kidding me? That's obscene! I can't believe anybody would even go to this, let alone pay $90 for the privilege. I thought the Charlie Sheen show was a dumb idea, but this is even worse. What could they possibly do to keep people's attention for any amount of time? The press release says this:
Oh, okay, well I guess that kind of makes sense. It's probably pretty intense to hear a first-hand account of some of the roughest situations that the captains have ever had to face. That might actually be kind of intersting. Hey, you know what would be even more interesting than that? If they had somehow brought a camera crew along with them on the boat, then edited the footage down into an hour-long reality show, and then put it on television for free. That would be a much better way to experience what it's like being on a crab boat in the Bering Sea.
Man Claims Public Masturbation Was Not "Intended" For Woman Who Called Cops
thesmokinggun- Meet Paul Payton. The Louisiana man was arrested yesterday after a woman complained that he “exposed his genitals and began masturbating several different times.” Video of this affront--which allegedly occurred near a boat dock while Payton was seated in his Mitsubishi--was captured by the woman on her cellphone.
When approached by a Monroe Police Department officer, Payton, 43, admitted to masturbating in public, according to a probable cause affidavit. But the suspect offered a curious justification: “The act,” he reported, “was intended for another female that was parked by the victim.”
The affidavit does not further describe for whom the act was actually “intended,” or whether this other woman was aware (or desirous) of Payton’s gift.
Despite his misdirected masturbation claim, Payton was arrested on obscenity charges and booked into the Ouachita Parish Jail, where he is being held in lieu of $10,000 bond.
Jesus lady, mind your own business. Everything's not always all about you. Just because you see some guy whacking off in his car, it doesn't mean that he's some sicko that wants you to watch it. He's just some sicko that wants the lady next to you to watch it. He began masturbating several different times? Exactly how long were you watching him? If I see some creep pumping off, I'm getting the fuck out of there. I'm not going to whip out my iphone and start filming it to keep track of how many times he starts and stops. Talk about an invasion of privacy. I'd be so pissed if I was this guy. Everybody knows that jerking off in public is one of the best ways to meet women. This poor guy was only trying to get laid, but this nosey bitch had to go and call the cops. Get over yourself.
Who knew Dave Chappelle was so into Kiss?
This is a clip from a documentary about tribute bands that I saw a few years back. It's funny as hell. Black Paul Stanley is absolutely classic. I want a whole documentary about that guy. Like what the hell is his story? Some of the other dudes are out of there fucking minds, too. Take the Monkees guy, for example. What kind of person wants to see a Monkees tribute band? The whole idea just seems really bizarre to me. Weren't the Monkees themselves already sort of a tribute band?
I think I've seen two tribute bands in my life. One was a Sublime tribute band, but they were actually more of a cover band, because they didn't really try to look and act like the real band. The other band I saw was a Guns & Roses tribute band. That band did a fantastic job on the songs, but they would really try to look and act just like the real band. It was really strange. Fake Axl Rose would actually do little rants in between the songs which were things that the real Axl used to say on stage. I could never decide if it was cool or lame. The music was good, and they looked pretty cool while they were performing, but the rants would always give me douche chills.
Friday, May 20, 2011
You gotta exhale when you bring it up dude.
I thought this guy passed out because he was curling heavy cinder blocks and he forgot to breathe. But then the other kid flicked the bar off him like it was nothing. Was that just a stick and two empty cardboard boxes? If that's the case, what the fuck just happened? The dude just stroked out from nothing. Or maybe the kid was able to lift it easily because he was wearing lifting gloves. Those things really make a big difference.
German insurance company held a huge orgy for it's salesman.
bbc news- One of the biggest insurance companies in the world held a party for salesmen where they were rewarded with the services of prostitutes. Munich Re is the world's biggest re-insurer - in other words, the company acts as an insurance company for other insurance companies.
One of its divisions, Ergo, told the BBC that the party had taken place to reward salesmen in 2007.
A spokesman said the people who organised it had since left. The gathering was held at a thermal baths in the Hungarian capital Budapest as a reward to particularly successful salesmen.
There were about 100 guests and 20 prostitutes were hired. A German business newspaper said the prostitutes had worn colour-coded arm-bands designating their availability, and the women had their arms stamped after each service rendered. According to Handelsblatt, quoting an unnamed participant, guests were able to take the women to four-poster beds at the spa "and do whatever they liked".
"After each such encounter the women were stamped on the lower arm in order to keep track of how often each woman was frequented," the paper quoted the man as saying. "The women wore red and yellow wrist bands. One lot were hostesses, the others would fulfil your every wish. "There were also women with white wrist bands. They were reserved for board members and the very best sales reps."
A spokesman for Ergo told the BBC that the party had happened, but said it was not the usual way of rewarding their employees.
Bravo to Ergo for thinking outside the box when it comes to rewarding it's employees. No wonder so many jobs are moving overseas. Who wouldn't dig a party like this? Pussy is a way better reward than a crappy watch or a gift certificate to some dump you would never shop at anyways. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. While their hearts were in the right place, the party execution was a bit flawed, however. Only 20 whores for 100 guests? What the fuck is up with that? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Come on Ergo, these are your very best salesman, you've got to treat them right. Nobody wants to get busy with the same hooker that the stinky guy who sits across from you in the office just violated. That's disgusting. The stamp system was a good idea, but with a 5 to 1 guest to whore ratio, after a few hours it must have been mighty hard to find chick with less ink on her than Kat Von D.
Also, what the fuck is up with the color-coded wrist band system? At a party like this, all the girls should be fair game for everybody. You can't have a class system when it comes to a massive company orgy. It's not fair for the girls in white wristbands to be reserved solely for board members and VIP's. That's total bullshit. You can only imagine the jump in quality from the hookers in yellow wristbands to the ones in white. It's gotta be like the difference between a Manhattan 10 and a Buffalo 10.
Isn't the whole point of a party like this to leave the office politics out of it for a night and rub elbows (but hopefully nothing else in this case) with bosses and co-workers alike? I for one think so. So again, Bravo Ergo, I love where you're coming from here, but next time you have a massive sex party for your employees, don't skimp on the whores. That's just tacky.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Seth MacFarlane is bringing a new version of the Flintstones to Fox.
mercurynews- "The Flintstones," the classic 1960s prime time animated show about a rotund, belligerent caveman named Fred Flinstone and his improbably hot (for a cartoon) wife Wilma, is coming back to TV.
"The very first cartoon character I drew at age 2 was Fred Flintstone," MacFarlane said in a statement. "So it's appropriate that events have come full circle, allowing me to produce the newest incarnation of this great franchise.
"Plus, I think America is finally ready for an animated sitcom about a fat, stupid guy with a wife who's too good for him."
Ha, ha, we get it; he's just described pretty much every animated sitcom on Fox. But here's the real question: Is America ready for a "Flintstones" that gets down and dirty?
The original show, a cartoon version of the Jackie Gleason sitcom "The Honeymooners," was a purely G-rated affair, whereas "Family Guy" gleefully ambushes the boundaries of good taste on every episode.
MacFarlane has not detailed his plans for the new show.
I think I would watch a new version of the Flinstones. I always liked the classic show, and it would definitely be better than that American Dad show, which I've never been able to make it through an entire episode of. But what's up with this guy calling Wilma improbably hot? Who the hell besides this guy feels that way? Now if you are talking about Betty Rubble, I totally agree, she's smoking, but Wilma? She's a total bitch who lives to crush Fred's hopes and dreams. I would like to see more of Betty in this new version. Maybe a wife-swap episode or something like that. You know Barney can't please a fox like Betty in bed. That's why they were never able to have kids. They had Bamm-Bamm, but if you remember, he was left on their doorstep, Barney never could knock up Betty. Speaking of Bamm-Bamm, I hope they leave him and Pebbles out of the new show. Those two were horrible characters. I get it, Bamm-Bamm is really strong, and when he shakes your hand, he slams you all over the place, you don't have to do that joke over and over again. I could definitely do without those two. I always hated that little green alien guy too. They should leave him out of the reboot as well.
Can somebody explain to me why she was allowed in the car?
I don't get this video at all. I really don't know much about classic cars, or cars in general for that matter, but I do know that the Shelby Cobra is one of the greatest muscle cars ever made, and they are highly sought after by collectors. That's why I don't get how this broad was allowed to drive it. She obviously was a terrible driver. If this was my car, I would've told her to get the fuck out as soon as she put it in drive instead of reverse. But they just let it happen. I'm assuming that it was the owner of the car that said "Yep, she did it. I knew it." at the 1:07 mark. If he knew this would happen, why did he let her drive the car? Basically it can only come down to two reasons. Reason 1: He owed a fuckton of money to some bad guys who weren't into waiting for him to collect the cash from auctioning off his car. So he decided to total it for the insurance money. But why would he risk this lady getting hurt while doing it? Or, reason 2: It was his wife driving the car and he wanted her dead. But why would he sacrifice the car just to kill his wife? And plus he would definitely be able to meet some new honey's cruising around in the Cobra. Maybe he already had a mistress lined up that he was going to marry. Okay, so here's a 3rd reason. Reason 3: He wanted his wife dead, and he wanted the insurance money to take his new wife on a honeymoon. the Shelby Cobra had way too much power anyways. It all makes perfect sense now.
Did this middle schooler deserve to be suspended for a Bin Laden post on Facebook?
CONCORD, N.H.- The mother of a Concord middle school student is decrying the school district after her daughter was suspended due to a Facebook post.
Kimberly Dell'isola said her daughter was suspended for five days after saying she wished Osama bin Laden killed her math teacher.
While she agrees the post was offensive, Dell'isola said her daughter's free speech should be protected.
"In hindsight, she's mortified that she said that, but she's a 13-year-old kid," Dell'isola said.
She said she frequently checks her daughter's Facebook page, but she hadn't logged on the day of the incident.
Dell'isola said she didn't find out about the incident until she got a call from the school's principal.
She said she agrees with the administrators at Rundlett Middle School that the post was wrong, but thinks the punishment is too harsh.
"You are denying her an education based on something she did at home. That's my business, not your business," Dell'isola said.
She said that while her daughter's profile did have privacy settings on, a parent of one of her daughter's friends reported the post.
"They asked her to open her Facebook and she complied because she generally does what she's told," Dell'isola said.
The mother holds that the issue is a parenting one, and not school related. She said she expressed that sentiment to Principal Tom Sica.
"He just said what she said was really awful. I started laughing and said I agree with you there, but how did it come to you deciding to throw her out of school," Dell'isola said.
She said that while her daughter's suspension is over, she has not returned to class out of fear of facing the teacher she made the comment about.
Dell'isola wants the school to remove her from the class and give her a private math tutor instead.
"She's anxious to go back and terrified to go back all at the same time," Dell'isola said.
This is a tough one to call. On one hand the school has a point because she did wish publicly for the death of her math teacher. But, on the other hand, her Facebook profile was supposed to be private, and Osama Bin Laden is dead, so it's not like she thought it could really happen. It was fantasy. I wonder if the punishment would have been the same if she wished for Voldemort, or somebody like that, to kill her math teacher. Regardless, she was caught and suspended, and she has to suffer the consequences. Which includes going back to math class to face said teacher. There's no way in hell this bitch deserves a private math tutor.
It's gotta suck to be a school kid in this age of technology. When I was in middle school, kids used to pass notes back and forth all the time, talking shit about various teachers or other kids. Back then, even if you were caught red handed with a note saying you wished Jeffery Dahmer would rape then eat your science teacher, you could still always deny that you wrote it and blame it on some other poor sap. Short of bringing in a handwriting expert, they had no way of proving you wrote it. Nowadays, you send a message over Facebook, and it has your name in bold letters forever linking you to the statement. You can't exactly deny that you wrote it now, can you?
Today's technology to a middle schooler is a double-edged sword. It's great for things like online gaming, allowing you to watch any Justin Bieber video instantly, and getting your girlfriend to sext you a picture of her tits. But technology can also come back and bite you in the ass, just like it did for this girl and her Bin Laden post, or when the guy who got his girlfriend to sext him some tits gets busted for child pornography.
ps. I love how the headline for this story had "Bin Laden" in big letters to get people to read it, even though it has nothing to do with him. Let's see if it works for me too.
The quest to build the mother of all domino pyramids comes up a little short.
Almost The Largest Domino Pyramid Ever - Watch more Funny Videos
Awww, that sucks. This guy should have never even started. The finished result of the completed pyramid was never going to be worth the time and energy that was put into it's construction. Conversely, the more work that was put into building the pyramid made it all the more painful when it came crashing down, right before it was finished. This video is like a metaphor for life. You shouldn't try so hard to "make it" in life because the chances are you're not going to reach the lofty personal goals that you set for yourself, and one day you'll probably realize that all that hard work was just a big fucking waste of time and you should have spent more time playing golf.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
BREAKING NEWS: Arnold Schwarzenegger's mistress and love child revealed!
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(CBS/AP)- Two days after Hollywood icon and former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted that he had fathered a love child with a member of his household staff, media reports have named the woman as housekeeper Mildred Baena.
RadarOnline.com and Star Magazine broke the story, with TMZ and ABC News confirming. According to ABC News, Baena, known as Patty, had worked for Schwarzenegger as an assistant and housekeeeper for more than 20 years.
According to RadarOnline.com, Baena threatened to go public with the news that she had given birth to Schwarzenegger's son 14 years ago, and that prompted the actor's public admission.
Schwarzenegger and Shriver jointly announced May 9 that they were splitting up after 25 years of marriage. Yet, Shriver moved out of the family's Brentwood mansion earlier in the year after Schwarzenegger acknowledged the child is his, The Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday.
"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago," Schwarzenegger told the Times in a statement that also was sent to The Associated Press early Tuesday. "I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.
This story has been burning up the Internet for the last two days, especially now that his former housekeeper has been revealed. Up til now, all the pictures that were released have had the boy's face blurred out. But in an (insert offensive name) exclusive, we have obtained the unedited version of the photo, and boy am I shocked that Maria had no idea that this was Arnold's son. There is definitely a slight resemblance. And when you add in the fact that the kid was benching 350 as a 10 year old, it should have raised a red flag.
Drunk ice cream man caught with frozen urine in truck.
MIDDLETOWN TWP., Pa.- The next time you see this ice cream man, police say you might want to think twice before you buy that sundae.
It was Friday evening when the Middletown Township Police Department received the call.
"We received information from a passing motorist of an ice cream truck that was all over the roadway on southbound Route 1 from Oxford Valley Road," Middletown Township Lt. John Michniewicz said.
His Jack & Jill Truck was pulled over minutes later and investigators say the ice cream man, 46-year-old Yassir Hassan, was visibly drunk.
Upon further inspection, authorities found several wine boxes inside.
But even more disturbing was the discovery of at least three water bottles filled with urine and one of them was found inside the freezer unit used to store the ice cream.
On top of that, Action News has obtained a copy of the inspection report performed after the arrest which determined the truck had "obviously no hand washing facilities in the vehicle."
Mr. Hassan has since been processed and released pending a preliminary DUI hearing which has yet to be scheduled.
Look, I don't want to condone drinking on the job, but I understand where this guy was coming from. Driving an ice cream truck has got to be one of the worst jobs there is. Every day you have to deal with whiney little bastards, crying and complaining because you ran out of chipwiches. And you know those shits definitely aren't going to be giving you any tips. Those bastards probably don't even know what tipping is yet. You know this guy isn't making any real money at this job. If he was, I don't think he'd be getting drunk on boxes of Franzia and freezing his piss bottles for amusement.
And okay, I'll admit it, pissing in bottles is pretty disgusting, but what's the alternative? It would be pretty gross if this guy stepped out of the truck and took a piss right before serving you an ice cream. I know that he was taking pisses and handing out popsicles without washing his hands anyways, but out of sight, out of mind, right? Like, I know the guy who just made my BMT at subway was probably scratching his nuts right before I walked in, but as long as I don't see it, I'm not going to let it bother me. And besides, the ice cream man isn't physically touching the food anyways, these are individually wrapped frozen treats. It's not like this dude was kneading dough and hand tossing pizzas with his pissy hands in there or anything.
The Draft Lottery is Clearly Fixed
When Tuesday's NBA draft lottery was about to hit the home stretch, the reps from the three teams still alive -- Minnesota, Utah and Cleveland -- were asked to step onto the stage of the NBA's studio in Secaucus, N.J. The Wolves president of basketball operations knew then he had no chance.
David Kahn was standing there with Utah General Manager Kevin O'Connor and 14-year-old Nick Gilbert -- the son of Cleveland Cavs owner Dan Gilbert and a young man battling a rare nerve disorder. "I did tell [O'Connor] ... as soon as the 14-year-old kid joined us, we were toast," Kahn said. "There was no way the 14-year-old was about to be denied in a league that has a habit of compelling story lines."
I mean was there any way that Cleveland wasn't getting the first overall pick this year after the Lebron debacle last year and when Dan Gilbert sent up his little retarded son? That might not be PC but he was mentally retarted right? Did you hear his speech after they got the pick? The most nonsensical shit I've ever heard and I read Big E's blogs every day. Regardless how fucking convenient is it that the cavs get the #1 pick with a 2.8% CHANCE OF GETTING IT. Ridiculous. That's not the point though. The point is not only do they get the #1 pick they also have their own, the #4 pick. They can take the Duke point guard and then a stud big man and if they don't screw this up they get back on track real quick. Maybe they will win a title before Lebron. God I would love that.
For all you haters about my Mavs in 5 pick did you watch Dirk last night? They just can't guard him. It's that simple. Giving the Thunder a game might have been too generous.
Michigan lottery winner still on food stamps.
Associated Press- A man who won $2 million on a Michigan lottery show has told a TV station that he still uses food stamps. Leroy Fick of Bay County admitted he still swipes the electronic card at stores, nearly a year after winning a jackpot on "Make Me Rich!" He told WNEM-TV in Saginaw that more than half the prize went to taxes. Fick says the Department of Human Services told him he could continue to use the card, which is paid with tax dollars. He told WNEM: "If you're going to ... try to make me feel bad, you aren't going to do it." The TV station says people have seen Fick driving a new Audi convertible. Messages seeking comment were left with his attorney and the state today.
What's the big deal here? So the guy won $2 mill and he's still on food stamps, so what. Have you seen how expensive food is lately? It's fucking ridiculous. Lays chips used to cost $2.99 for a bag, and then all of a sudden in the last few months, that same bag now costs $3.99. Where the hell does Lays get off jumping a whole dollar like that? That's like a 300% increase, or something. I'm not that good at math, so I'm not exactly sure, but it's a lot And gas for that convertible Audi is not going to get any cheaper. Leroy will be lucky if he has any money left at all by the end of the year, and then he would just have to go through the whole process of applying for food stamps again, which would be a big hassle and a waste of time.
This is why you should never wear your seat belt.
You ever see these dudes like this that go off-roading in their jeeps? They drive up and down steep hills and rocks at 2 mph. What an unbelievable waste of time. It's like the dumbest fucking thing ever. I gotta say, that bail out was pretty cool, though. That was like some Jackie Chan shit.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Who the hell do the Tampa Bay Bucs think they are?
TAMPA, Fla. (AP) -- The Buccaneers have said no to HBO. Tampa Bay has declined an invitation to be featured on the cable TV network's next edition of "Hard Knocks," the team said on its Twitter account Monday.
"We have respectfully declined this year's `Hard Knocks' invitation," the team announced. "Wonderful show, but the team wants to keep the focus on the field in 2011."
Honestly who do they think they are turning down the chance to be on Hard Knocks? Keep it's focus on the field? Horse shit. Raheem Morris can relax. Fucking bucs. They win a few games, have a few good drafts, and suddenly they need to keep their focus on the field. I was excited for the Bucs and Hard Knocks because they have so many delinquints on their team. Mike Williams is a thug. Aqib Talib shot his sister's boyfriend earlier in the year. Full of characters. Also I was pumped to watch Daquan Bower's knee fall off in his first training camp. But back to them being thugs. That's exactly why HBO targeted them. Just like why they targeted the jets last year. Whatever I'm over the Bucs. Where does HBO go from here? What team would be the most exciting? It's gotta be a team that hasn't been done yet. Probably in the NFC, seems like mostly AFC lately. The Seahawks? Seems like something Pete Carroll would be into.
Schwarzenegger Shags on the Side
The Guardian: Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former actor and recently retired governor of California, has admitted that he fathered a child 10 years ago with a member of his household staff. The revelation, which he confirmed to the Los Angeles Times in a remorseful statement, casts new light on the break up of his 25-year marriage with Maria Shriver, announced by the couple a week ago.
The Los Angeles Times led on the story. The unnamed staff member, who had claimed her then husband was the father of her child, retired in January after working for 20 years for Schwarzenegger and Shriver, a member of the Kennedy clan. She had worked for them through the two terms when the former bodybuilder and star of the Terminator films served as governor of California, inevitably dubbed the Governator. A source told the paper that Schwarzenegger had taken financial responsibility for the child from the start.
This doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is that this idiot was the Governor of California for nearly a decade. I can understand why a former Mr. Universe would want to shag some birds on the side when his ex-wife Maria Shriver looks like the skeletal remains of a long-dead anorexic, but I refuse to understand how Arnold's unique collection of credentials prepared him for political life. When I think of a governor in these United States of America, I don't necessarily look for these sorts of attributes: a Nazi-pledged father (Gustav), a history of poor business leadership (think Planet Hollywood), an affinity for the odd spliff or harmless orgy and an annually recurring subscription to latest and greatest steroid derivatives. Yes, Arnold has had a stellar career in Hollywood, but I'm not sure that that alone qualifies him for such a big political role (Fuck Ronald Reagan). All I know is this: Arnold is good at talking shit on the big screen and banging chicks in his trailer (or mansion). Stick to that line of work, Arnold, and you'll be back.
Adrian Gonzalez is a fucking monster
Anyone else catch the end of the Red Sox game last night? I was just flipping through channels and saw they were down by 1 in the ninth. Adrian Gonzalez was the fourth guy up in the inning. He's already at that point where I'm thinking all anyone needs to do is get on and give this guy a chance and we got it. That's how confident I was last night. Sure enough, Jacoby and Pedroia both get on and Gonzalez rips on opposite field double off the wall to win the game. The Red Sox are so much more exciting this year than last year it's not even funny mostly due to the clear MVP on our team in A-Gone. There's not much question about it either right now.
Nerd makes a video log of 35 years of his life.
35 Year Time Lapse - Watch more Funny Videos
35 years and all he accomplished was this stupid video log. Bummer, dude. I actually want to make a video like this, too. But instead of filming myself once a year over 35 years, I want to film myself over the course of a single night where I try to drink 35 beers. Making an entry at the beginning of each beer. That would be awesome.
"Teach Me How To Dougie" rapper killed in drive-by shooting.
mtv.com- Early Monday (May 16) morning hip-hop fans were stunned by the news that Cali Swag District member M-Bone died Sunday night, the victim of a drive-by shooting.
Bone, born Mante Talbert, was one-fourth of the group that rose to fame with their 2010 single "Teach Me How to Dougie." Cali Swag frontman C-Smoove tweeted, "Ma life changed drastically in the blink of an eye. rip mbone," early Monday morning. Inglewood Police Department Homicide Sgt. Brian Spencer confirmed to MTV News that the 22-year-old Bone died of two gunshot wounds to the head in his hometown of Inglewood, California.
At about 10:30 p.m. PT Sunday night, police were called to the 400 block of North La Brea in Inglewood. When police arrived on the scene, they found Talbert seated in the driver's seat of a black unspecified vehicle with at least two gunshot wounds to the head. Paramedics then took him to a local hospital where Talbert eventually succumbed to his injuries.
Witness accounts confirm that the rapper was seated in his car when the gunmen pulled alongside him in a separate vehicle and let off at least two rounds. The suspects fled northbound on La Brea.
I know what the "Dougie" dance is but I've never heard of the song or the group. I feel bad for the friends and family of M-Bone, but I'm not really surprised something like this happened. You see, there has been a sad history of dance fad originators meeting untimely and violent deaths. M-Bone is just the latest in a long line of dance fad tragedy.
Remember 1990's "The Humpty Dance"? It was performed by the Digital Underground, which had as one of it's members an up and coming rapper by the name of Tupac Shakur, who, as we all know, was also killed by a drive-by shooting, in 1996. His murder was never solved, but it is rumored that the trigger man was wearing black-framed glasses with a fake nose, and "Humpty Dance" was blasting from the car's sound system.
And then there was one-hit wonder Los del Rio, who's 1996 hit "Macarena" was an international smash hit. Everybody knows the song, but few know what ever became of the duo. Apparently they fell on tough times after their subsequent albums went nowhere, and were forced into becoming drug mules for the Mexican mafia. In 2009, they were captured by a rival cartel while trying to cross the border and were later found dead in the desert, shot full of lead, and left in Macarena related poses.
And who can forget "Hokie Pokie" writer, Al Tabor, who was tragically raped then torn to shreds by a pack of sex-crazed orangutan's while vacationing in Borneo.
So let this be a lesson to all you aspiring dance fad creators out there. An annoying song and dance combo may seem like an easy way to make it big at first, but karma can be a cruel mistress, and in the end, it's probably not worth it.
British school boy tries to break pinata with baguette. Hilarity ensues.
Is there anything more pompous than a group of prissy brit schoolboys hitting a butterfly pinata with a baguette? I don't really have a smartass answer to that, I'm actually just putting it out there because I'd like to know myself.
Monday, May 16, 2011
What the hell is wrong with these people?
What kind of asshole waits in a line this long to get a fucking hamburger? Jesus, get a fucking life people. Wait, is this the only food available in the entire town? If so, I still wouldn't wait in a line like this. What an absolute nightmare. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders could be giving out free blowjobs at this In-N-Out Burger, and I still wouldn't be caught dead in this line. Well maybe I would if I was in the first 20 cars or so, but after that, no fucking way!
Australian Planking craze claims it's first victim.
the sun- A bizarre craze where people pretend to be planks of wood claimed its first victim today - after a man fell seven storeys to his death.
Acton Beale, 20, plummeted from a seventh floor balcony at a block of flats in Brisbane, Australia, after an evening out "planking" with a pal.
The new craze sees participants lie face-down on objects with their arms by their sides while someone else takes their picture.
It is thought Acton fell suddenly as he tried to lay on the balcony railing of his apartment at 4am. His pal may have been filming the event.
Paramedics rushed to the scene were unable to save Acton.
Queensland police issued a statement on Sunday in which they urged "plankers" to "re-think their actions" following the death.
Deputy Commissioner Ross Barnett said: "Police fear that as planking gains popularity there may be more injuries and potentially further deaths.
"The potential for disaster increases as more and more risks are taken to get the ultimate photo."
The prank has become an internet sensation since participants started sharing photos of their antics online, sometimes in terrifying settings.
A Facebook page called Planking Australia has more than 55,000 fans who have been posting photos of planking in usual places including on top of a McDonald's sign and railway tracks. But people are trying to out-do each other by planking on structures or in precarious positions putting themselves and others at risk.
Australian man Nate Shaw, 20, was last week charged after police saw a photo of him planking over a police car.
Is this real life? This story totally seems like some fake Monty Python skit or something. This is really a craze in Australia? What the fuck is wrong with those people? Planking is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. How does this ever become popular? I can just imagine that some Australian guy must have been like "Hey Cobber, go up on top of that servo and lay flat like a plank. I'll take your photo, and we'll put it on the interweb. It'll be a real corker." To which the other guy responded, "What do I look like, a Wally? And besides, I just put a couple shrimp on the barbie." But the first guy finally convinces him, "C'mon mate, don't be a bludger. Get up there and it'll be bonzer. Really ridgy-didge." So he did it, and next thing you know, nationwide fad. Fucking Aussies.
Conference Finals Preview/Predictions
Well I’m sorry to say the Grizz came up short yesterday but they proved that they are going to be a force to reckoned with for years to come. In fact the Thunder and Grizz are starting to look like the new Lakers and Spurs. Let’s not forget that the Grizz made this run without their second best player, Rudy Gay. How many other teams could have done what they did without their second best player? They will be back and back in a big way. But the conference finals separate the feel good stories from the legit contenders, and both the east and the west should be highly entertaining with 4 out of the top 5 scorers in the league this past season still playing.
The East: Bulls vs. Heat
Lets start in the East. For the first time ever we have the current MVP facing off against the player that won the MVP the previous year in D Rose vs. Lebron. Rose is simply playing on a different level right now. Transcendent stuff that is really fun to watch every night. The advantage that the Bulls have at the point position is going to decide this series. Mario Chalmers and Mike Bibby shouldn’t even be in the same building as Rose. The funny thing about this series is that you can’t help but remember that last summer Lebron and Wade could have gone to Chicago to play with Rose instead of Bosh. That’s right, for those who forget Chicago had the cap-space to sign both Lebron and Wade to max deals. Maybe they didn’t want to do that because it would have been so unfair to the rest of the league. But honestly what the fuck were they thinking not doing that? Will they be thinking about that decision every time Rose blows past them at 60 mph and scores a 360 windmill layup through 8 defenders while Bosh is watching from the top of the key?
Regardless, that point segues nicely to one of the real interesting subplots of this series - the battle of underachieving, highly overpaid, power forwards who signed big money deals in the off-season because Lebron and Wade stupidly didn’t sign with Chicago. I’m of course talking about the Chris vs. Carlos show, Boozer and Bosh. They are going to guarding each other, so it will really be a battle for who can be less of a disappointment. My money is on Bosh to get out of his funk and only be a slight disappointment instead of a huge disappointment that Boozer will probably be. And believe me, Chris Bosh will take slight diappointment in a Miami second at this point. Oh and Chris Bosh makes more money than Wade or Lebron. Let's not forget that.
At the center position, Joel Anthony and Joakim Noah perform virtually identical functions for their respective teams. They are the hustling, rebounding, charge-taking energy players who are crucial for their teams success. The only difference is that Noah is a lot more annoying, constantly screaming and throwing his arms in the air to make sure we all notice him.
The pick: Chicago in 6 - I’m sure no one will believe me or cares but I made this pick yesterday afternoon before Chicago ass raped Miami by 20 points. I just think Miami’s lack of depth and big men will finally be exposed by the most complete team in the playoffs with the best player in the playoffs. I think we’re headed toward a classic 7 game NBA finals between the Bulls and Dallas and I think Lebron will realize that he’s now closer to 30 than 20 and there’s a new dominant team in the East that he could have played on. Oh well.
The West: Thunder vs. Mavericks:
The classic matchup of the up and coming, hungry young team against the historically soft playoff team that’s finally trying to get over the hump. This series features arguably the two best offensive players in the league, in wonderboy Kevin Durant and Dirk Nowitzski. Durant finished second in the league in scoring average this year with 28 points per game and Dirk finished fourth, just a shade below him at 26.5 points per game. Both players are long, incredibly athletic, and have very similar games. They are all about the mid-range game and if left open they will take the 3 without a moment’s hesitation. Dirk is probably more polished and Durant more athletic, but they are clearly the two most important players to their respective teams. It’s going to be very interesting to see how the opposing teams attempt to defend them. On the Thunder side, I fully expect Serge Ibaka, the uber-athletic African swingman to draw the assignment of covering Dirk. He has the size to cover him inside and the quick feet to at least try and stay with him off the dribble. On the other side of the ball, the Mavs made an under the radar waiver pick up of swingman Corey Brewer mid-season. He has the reputation of a defensive stopper and his playing time should increase if Rick Carlisle feels that he presents the best matchup against Durant. It’s obviously an important assignment because, if the Grizzlies showed us anything, it’s that the Thunder really can’t survive a shitty KD performance and still win.
The one area where the Thunder have a decisive advantage is at the 1. Believe it or not, Jason Kidd has not gotten any faster in his old age. In these playoffs up until now, that hasn’t been a huge problem. In the first round he squared off against the slow Andre Miller and in the second round the slower Derek Fischer. Now he has to try and stop the lightning quick Russell Westbrook who is coming off his best game of the playoffs in game 7. He simply won’t be able to stop him without serious defensive help, which will leave the perimeter open for 3 point shots. If James Harden is hitting his 3s, as he was in game 7 against the Grizz, watch out.
The pick: Dallas in 5 - Dallas is due. This is the best team they’ve ever had with Tyson Chandler roaming the middle and between Jason Terry, Peja Stoyakavich, and that French guy that sometimes gets on the floor surround Dirk as shooters. I think Dallas wins it all.
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We should let pit bulls perform abortions.
Eric….it is amazing. I am stunned by this video. The guy is a total loser. But I am even more amazed at how people can be so outraged by what this guy did, but then have no reaction to the murder of millions of unborn children. Total hypocrisy!
I guarantee those who scream the loudest about this act, (which is despicable), especially the women, are pro-abortion.
How the F do you get ABORTION in this conversation?
hey idiots, it’s not a baby, it’s a fetus.
Likewise, it’s not a puppy it’s a pit bull. Kill ‘em all I say.
Oh, is the govt gonna tell us what we can do with our pets now too? Call PETA you liberals!! PC police! This is tyranny stay out of our lives govt!!!!!!
kill yourself. PLEASE!
These worthless humans, those who abuse animals and wreck private property, should be shot.
Who wants to shoot anyone? You? Are you a lunatic?
I’d shoot him if I had the chance.