You know who I hate? Chris Berman.

It was Chris Berman's birthday yesterday, and it reminded me of how much I hate the guy. Is there a bigger douche on TV than Chris Berman? Yes, actually, there are plenty, but Berman is still incredibly annoying. Yes, the guy's act is so played out and tired, but it's nothing compared his voice. Berman's voice is deep and gravely, yet slightly nasally. He sounds like he's forcing his voice to be that deep. And despite having been an on-air personality for over 30 years, he has the delivery of a first-time public access hack. But the thing that really annoys me about his voice is how he runs out of breath during his pointless, long-winded rants. To me, that's like fingernails on a chalk board.

The voice is bad enough, but add to that his catch phrases, and you really have something truly irritating. You could mute any football highlight that he is presenting, any one at all, and it would sound exactly like this, "Here's the handoff. Boom! boom! whooop! whooop! breaks a tackle and he could.....go.....all...the....way! And he does! Nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills." It doesn't even matter if it's a Bills game or not, he'll probably say it. I was sick of his act 15 years ago, and now it is just excruciating. Thank god for the NFL network so I can go somewhere else for football highlights. I have to change the channel at halftime of every Monday Night Football game so I can avoid the living hell that is Berman's two minute drill. And don't even get me started on his outdated pop culture references. How many people know what he is talking about when he says something like "Adrian Peterson has the moves of a young Tony Manero, yet he's tougher than Philo Beddoe." Wait, who? Google it.

And to top it all off, he's an asshole on the set too.

Probably the only thing even remotely cool about Berman is the "you're with me, leather" story about him picking up a chick in an Arizona bar. Apparently, some guy was trying really hard to pick up this girl who was dressed all in leather, when Berman comes up out of nowhere, says "you're with me, leather" and she immediately leaves with him. I'm not gonna lie, that was pretty badass.